Ke$ha's "Your Love Is My Drug" is a Shamanic Head Trip

This is what I get for turning to YouTube to help myself wake up on a dreary Tuesday. It's been said that poplet Ke$ha is the poor man's Lady Gaga because she keeps reaching in the same direction but never quite gets there. I would agree, but Ke$ha's songs are catchy and full of humor, so she can't be all bad.

But girl goes all shamanic in her latest video for "Your Love Is My Drug." (Couldn't post it so you'll have to follow the link.) It's obviously inspired by the 70s, too. For most of it, she jumps around in the desert (California, I'm assuming), but then there's a real elephant plus some chick with a tiger mask (animal totem?), so it could be anywhere (Africa, Asia?). She's with some guy who looks like Jesus, and they're both dressed hippie-like (no body glitter this time). More animal shape-shifting, and then Ke$ha turns into a mermaid before dancing around in some hippie net shawl thingy.

Watch carefully for Native American symbolism, and I think I caught Australian Aboriginal symbols, too. For a second, Ke$ha's even wearing bird feathers. Her shamanic "money shot," so to speak, comes when the lights go out and she's wearing glow-in-the-dark body paint with markings reminiscent of tribal peoples (Africa, maybe?). Then she dances around with a giant snake, a la Britney.

Yeah, it's a great big mish-mash and the song itself is mindless pop. Of course, I'm sure it was cooked up in a marketing meeting about "trends." Still, I like to see this kind of symbolism pop up, and I think it lodges in people's psyches and helps open them up to things that are ultimately more meaningful.

Ke$ha's "Your Love Is My Drug" is a Shamanic Head Trip

This is what I get for turning to YouTube to help myself wake up on a dreary Tuesday. It's been said that poplet Ke$ha is the poor man's Lady Gaga because she keeps reaching in the same direction but never quite gets there. I would agree, but Ke$ha's songs are catchy and full of humor, so she can't be all bad.

But girl goes all shamanic in her latest video for "Your Love Is My Drug." (Couldn't post it so you'll have to follow the link.) It's obviously inspired by the 70s, too. For most of it, she jumps around in the desert (California, I'm assuming), but then there's a real elephant plus some chick with a tiger mask (animal totem?), so it could be anywhere (Africa, Asia?). She's with some guy who looks like Jesus, and they're both dressed hippie-like (no body glitter this time). More animal shape-shifting, and then Ke$ha turns into a mermaid before dancing around in some hippie net shawl thingy.

Watch carefully for Native American symbolism, and I think I caught Australian Aboriginal symbols, too. For a second, Ke$ha's even wearing bird feathers. Her shamanic "money shot," so to speak, comes when the lights go out and she's wearing glow-in-the-dark body paint with markings reminiscent of tribal peoples (Africa, maybe?). Then she dances around with a giant snake, a la Britney.

Yeah, it's a great big mish-mash and the song itself is mindless pop. Of course, I'm sure it was cooked up in a marketing meeting about "trends." Still, I like to see this kind of symbolism pop up, and I think it lodges in people's psyches and helps open them up to things that are ultimately more meaningful.

My Quest to Join the Illuminati: Steps 5-8

Continuing with my quest, let's look at where I stand on steps 5-8 (of the 18 I mentioned in my last post).

5) Incorporate Illuminati symbolism into everything you do. 

Easy! See me giving the "all-seeing eye" above, and I've added one to the sidebar. Plus, I have the CD of that Illuminati puppet herself, Lady Gaga, in my pick-up.

6) Like anyone with ambitions of world domination, join the Masons. 

To be perfectly honest, I have wondered a lot lately about what it would be like to be a Mason, plus I do love ritual and fancy outfits. So, never say never!

7) Join any other occult group with a degree system like the Rosicrucians and work your way up the ladder. 

The Rosicrucians have always fascinated me--and they even have a park! That's right, in plain ol' San Jose, California. Did you know that the Rosicrucians originated in Germany? Which is were my mother's family is from--OMG! (And that isn't the only Germany connection...) Plus, I have just learned that an acquaintance of mine is the Grand Councilor for the state where I live! So yeah, this one will be easy.

8) Study mystery religions and occult practices.

Well, duh--shamanism! Done. That was easy--I'm well on my way to Illuminati prominence!

My Quest to Join the Illuminati: Steps 5-8

Continuing with my quest, let's look at where I stand on steps 5-8 (of the 18 I mentioned in my last post).

5) Incorporate Illuminati symbolism into everything you do. 

Easy! See me giving the "all-seeing eye" above, and I've added one to the sidebar. Plus, I have the CD of that Illuminati puppet herself, Lady Gaga, in my pick-up.

6) Like anyone with ambitions of world domination, join the Masons. 

To be perfectly honest, I have wondered a lot lately about what it would be like to be a Mason, plus I do love ritual and fancy outfits. So, never say never!

7) Join any other occult group with a degree system like the Rosicrucians and work your way up the ladder. 

The Rosicrucians have always fascinated me--and they even have a park! That's right, in plain ol' San Jose, California. Did you know that the Rosicrucians originated in Germany? Which is were my mother's family is from--OMG! (And that isn't the only Germany connection...) Plus, I have just learned that an acquaintance of mine is the Grand Councilor for the state where I live! So yeah, this one will be easy.

8) Study mystery religions and occult practices.

Well, duh--shamanism! Done. That was easy--I'm well on my way to Illuminati prominence!

Friday Night's Dream

Friday night's dream really stood out to me for some reason. I saw both a black dog and a black panther, and when animals appear in my dreams, I pay attention. That's how I became "Riverwolf" a few years ago. I've decided not to interpret the dream here. Instead I'll merely describe what happened, and then note some possible meanings taken from Ted Andrews' "Animal Speak" (a favorite).

The dream itself was short. I walked into my home, and a big black dog came (resembled this one above) out to greet me. It was friendly, and I was surprised because I don't have a dog, and so I wondered how it got inside. But I was pleasantly surprised to see the dog. It wagged its tail and sat on the floor and was excited to see me. But then I realized I really didn't want this dog in my home, so I opened the back door and tried to make it leave. That's when the dog morphed into a black panther! Its ears went flat and it growled a bit, letting me know that it didn't want to leave. I backed off, with the feeling that I would have to deal with this animal a bit differently. I remained calm--and that was it! Dream over.

Dogs
So, in Andrews' book, dogs symbolize faithfulness and protection. In some cultures, they also symbolize motherhood or are guardians of the dead. Andrews notes that it takes a lot to break a dog's loving spirit, even when it is abused. Its willingness to be a companion is great. He suggests asking questions such as: What does this say about your need for or lack of companionship? Are you showing unconditional love or receiving it? Do you need to be more protective of your territory? Do you need to play a little more?

Panthers
There's a lot on panthers, particularly black ones. In general, they symbolize reclaiming one's own power, and black panthers have a lunar and a feminine significance. Their arrival initiates a time of awakened sensuality and passion. These cats also symbolize darkness, death and rebirth, helping us to understand the powers inherent in each of these stages, thereby eliminating our fears. Panthers bring guardian energy. It may imply that an old issue (particularly sexual ones) may finally be resolved or healed. Panthers symbolize moving from mere poles of existence to a new life without poles or barriers; unconscious urges and abilities are awakened. They also mark a time of emerging from a heroic test of suffering, wandering or destruction. They also signal it's time to confront areas of our lives that have been "painted over." The theme of reclaiming one's own power continues, as panther tells us we'll recover our power from whatever has hidden it in our lives, and it will be replaced with something greater, stronger and more beneficial. The panther symbolizes mastery over all dimensions. A new turn is coming in our path, an opportunity to go beyond what has been imagined through discipline and control. The spirit of imminent rebirth.

So wow--lot's to think about! Anyone care to interpret??

Friday Night's Dream

Friday night's dream really stood out to me for some reason. I saw both a black dog and a black panther, and when animals appear in my dreams, I pay attention. That's how I became "Riverwolf" a few years ago. I've decided not to interpret the dream here. Instead I'll merely describe what happened, and then note some possible meanings taken from Ted Andrews' "Animal Speak" (a favorite).

The dream itself was short. I walked into my home, and a big black dog came (resembled this one above) out to greet me. It was friendly, and I was surprised because I don't have a dog, and so I wondered how it got inside. But I was pleasantly surprised to see the dog. It wagged its tail and sat on the floor and was excited to see me. But then I realized I really didn't want this dog in my home, so I opened the back door and tried to make it leave. That's when the dog morphed into a black panther! Its ears went flat and it growled a bit, letting me know that it didn't want to leave. I backed off, with the feeling that I would have to deal with this animal a bit differently. I remained calm--and that was it! Dream over.

Dogs
So, in Andrews' book, dogs symbolize faithfulness and protection. In some cultures, they also symbolize motherhood or are guardians of the dead. Andrews notes that it takes a lot to break a dog's loving spirit, even when it is abused. Its willingness to be a companion is great. He suggests asking questions such as: What does this say about your need for or lack of companionship? Are you showing unconditional love or receiving it? Do you need to be more protective of your territory? Do you need to play a little more?

Panthers
There's a lot on panthers, particularly black ones. In general, they symbolize reclaiming one's own power, and black panthers have a lunar and a feminine significance. Their arrival initiates a time of awakened sensuality and passion. These cats also symbolize darkness, death and rebirth, helping us to understand the powers inherent in each of these stages, thereby eliminating our fears. Panthers bring guardian energy. It may imply that an old issue (particularly sexual ones) may finally be resolved or healed. Panthers symbolize moving from mere poles of existence to a new life without poles or barriers; unconscious urges and abilities are awakened. They also mark a time of emerging from a heroic test of suffering, wandering or destruction. They also signal it's time to confront areas of our lives that have been "painted over." The theme of reclaiming one's own power continues, as panther tells us we'll recover our power from whatever has hidden it in our lives, and it will be replaced with something greater, stronger and more beneficial. The panther symbolizes mastery over all dimensions. A new turn is coming in our path, an opportunity to go beyond what has been imagined through discipline and control. The spirit of imminent rebirth.

So wow--lot's to think about! Anyone care to interpret??

Lessons of the Lotus

I love to ponder why certain images or themes continue to pop up in various places and situations. Like the lotus flower, above. I've never seen a real one, but if you pause long enough, you can find lotus flowers everywhere, in art, architecture and literature. And they're a sacred symbol in many religions: Buddhism, ancient Egypt, Hinduism, Brahmanism, Zorastrianism and even ancient Mayan beliefs. Why is this?

If that all seems musty and dusty, consider that one of the most expensive cars you can buy today is called Lotus. A car and a flower are very different things, but obviously, someone in a marketing department somewhere thought that the symbolism long associated with the lotus would appeal to a certain elite clientele who could afford rare, luxury cars.

And here's a beautiful example of lotus symbolism in architecture, a Bahai temple located in India.

Across various cultures, the lotus symbolizes the best human ideals and concepts: purity, enlightenment, the human heart, the sun, creation, divine birth or rebirth, knowledge and cosmic harmony.

Again, why is this? I'm fixated on the lotus because of the daily meditation that I've been doing. It's a Buddhist meditation or chant called simply "Jewel in the Lotus Flower." The 6 syllables--"om, mani, padme, hum"--are rich with spiritual symbolism. As I understand it, this chant can assist in transforming our individual essence into a more enlightened state--that of the Buddha nature. The lotus is the perfect symbol because it grows under murky water but eventually reveals a beautiful, delicate flower. The opening bloom represents the opening of our Buddha nature as it flowers. That bright center of the flower is considered the "jewel" and represents our individual spiritual potential.

Well, I have a long way to go before I get all flowery and enlightened! Being the skeptic that I am, I don't know if this chant will do anything for me--but the romantic in me recognizes the beauty and purity embedded therein. There are certainly worse things for which to strive. And it helps me to think that the murkiness in which I currently find myself might one day subside to reveal something of beauty and light.

I read somewhere that "om, mani, padme, hum" can be translated as "I am in you and you are in me," revealing how interconnected we all are--whether we realize it or not. And not just us as individuals--but how we are connected to the plants and animals, the stars and comets, and how they are connected to us. This continues to be important for me to realize and integrate into my daily life.

So pay attention to nature. It has lots to teach us.

Check here to read more about lotus symbolism.

Lessons of the Lotus

I love to ponder why certain images or themes continue to pop up in various places and situations. Like the lotus flower, above. I've never seen a real one, but if you pause long enough, you can find lotus flowers everywhere, in art, architecture and literature. And they're a sacred symbol in many religions: Buddhism, ancient Egypt, Hinduism, Brahmanism, Zorastrianism and even ancient Mayan beliefs. Why is this?

If that all seems musty and dusty, consider that one of the most expensive cars you can buy today is called Lotus. A car and a flower are very different things, but obviously, someone in a marketing department somewhere thought that the symbolism long associated with the lotus would appeal to a certain elite clientele who could afford rare, luxury cars.

And here's a beautiful example of lotus symbolism in architecture, a Bahai temple located in India.

Across various cultures, the lotus symbolizes the best human ideals and concepts: purity, enlightenment, the human heart, the sun, creation, divine birth or rebirth, knowledge and cosmic harmony.

Again, why is this? I'm fixated on the lotus because of the daily meditation that I've been doing. It's a Buddhist meditation or chant called simply "Jewel in the Lotus Flower." The 6 syllables--"om, mani, padme, hum"--are rich with spiritual symbolism. As I understand it, this chant can assist in transforming our individual essence into a more enlightened state--that of the Buddha nature. The lotus is the perfect symbol because it grows under murky water but eventually reveals a beautiful, delicate flower. The opening bloom represents the opening of our Buddha nature as it flowers. That bright center of the flower is considered the "jewel" and represents our individual spiritual potential.

Well, I have a long way to go before I get all flowery and enlightened! Being the skeptic that I am, I don't know if this chant will do anything for me--but the romantic in me recognizes the beauty and purity embedded therein. There are certainly worse things for which to strive. And it helps me to think that the murkiness in which I currently find myself might one day subside to reveal something of beauty and light.

I read somewhere that "om, mani, padme, hum" can be translated as "I am in you and you are in me," revealing how interconnected we all are--whether we realize it or not. And not just us as individuals--but how we are connected to the plants and animals, the stars and comets, and how they are connected to us. This continues to be important for me to realize and integrate into my daily life.

So pay attention to nature. It has lots to teach us.

Check here to read more about lotus symbolism.

A Good Dose of Turtle Medicine

By medicine, I'm obviously referring to the symbolic qualities of the turtle and what these fascinating creatures can teach us. Turns out turtles have been showing up quite a bit lately in my life. The other week on my walk around the lake, I spied 2 large turtles foraging around in the mud. I stood and watched them for a long time, although I wasn't close enough to identify them. A day or so later, I spotted a box turtle on a path very close to my home. And over the weekend, I spotted another box turtle not far from the main road.

Then I thought, "maybe the turtles are talking to me!" Because I recalled that the theme for the upcoming Fall session of the Cherokee Full Circle workshop is--turtle medicine! I'm still planning to attend, and the entire workshop is based around the symbolism of turtles in the Cherokee tradition.

Funny how these things come together. So I've been reading up on turtle symbolism and taking notes. If you'd like to know more, just google "turtle totem" and you can read for days. But here's what stood out to me.

• Because of their longevity and slow mannerisms, turtles can teach us new perspectives on time and our relationship to it. It may be time to slow down and and go with the flow of life rather than against it.
  
• The turtle's shell has lots of symbolism. It may indicate we should withdraw to nurture our ideas until they're ready for expression. Or it may signal that we need to set up boundaries for personal protection from situations or persons.
  
• Turtles often symbolize the Earth itself, and some traditions even once believed the Earth sat on top of a turtle's shell. It can be a call to ground yourself more closely to the Earth, to the basics, to nature, and to tune into the Earth's energies rather than your own to better navigate life.
• Since turtles can live on land or in the water, they are often seen as a symbolic bridge between this world and the Faerie realm (not exactly sure how that works--but it sounds fun!).
  

So be alert and aware, and see what nature is trying to tell you out there!

A Good Dose of Turtle Medicine

By medicine, I'm obviously referring to the symbolic qualities of the turtle and what these fascinating creatures can teach us. Turns out turtles have been showing up quite a bit lately in my life. The other week on my walk around the lake, I spied 2 large turtles foraging around in the mud. I stood and watched them for a long time, although I wasn't close enough to identify them. A day or so later, I spotted a box turtle on a path very close to my home. And over the weekend, I spotted another box turtle not far from the main road.

Then I thought, "maybe the turtles are talking to me!" Because I recalled that the theme for the upcoming Fall session of the Cherokee Full Circle workshop is--turtle medicine! I'm still planning to attend, and the entire workshop is based around the symbolism of turtles in the Cherokee tradition.

Funny how these things come together. So I've been reading up on turtle symbolism and taking notes. If you'd like to know more, just google "turtle totem" and you can read for days. But here's what stood out to me.

• Because of their longevity and slow mannerisms, turtles can teach us new perspectives on time and our relationship to it. It may be time to slow down and and go with the flow of life rather than against it.
  
• The turtle's shell has lots of symbolism. It may indicate we should withdraw to nurture our ideas until they're ready for expression. Or it may signal that we need to set up boundaries for personal protection from situations or persons.
  
• Turtles often symbolize the Earth itself, and some traditions even once believed the Earth sat on top of a turtle's shell. It can be a call to ground yourself more closely to the Earth, to the basics, to nature, and to tune into the Earth's energies rather than your own to better navigate life.
• Since turtles can live on land or in the water, they are often seen as a symbolic bridge between this world and the Faerie realm (not exactly sure how that works--but it sounds fun!).
  

So be alert and aware, and see what nature is trying to tell you out there!

My Shaman Staff and Fine Jewelry

I think I had mentioned that for my interfaith minister ordination and the final workshop of the shamanic mystery school, I made special jewelry to wear and my first shaman staff. Was happy with how everything turned out (I'm a regular at Michael's now!), so here are a few pics.

Since the mystery school was based on the 7 chakras, I wanted to make a necklace that incorporated all the stones representing those chakras. I used mostly crystal chip necklaces that we had been given during the workshops. You can buy similar chakra necklaces but I felt making it myself would be much more personal, especially using those crystals that were given as gifts. The dolphin pendant I did buy, and it represents my life-long connection to water. The 2 bone pieces on either side plus the metallic spacers were all purchased at a local jewelry shop. To the right is a matching anklet--since I wore my sarong, my legs and feet were bare and, hey, I needed some more bling! The oval pieces are moonstone, and the squares are agate.

A Shaman Staff and Symbolism
The next pics are of my shaman staff, what every REAL shaman needs, of course! Actually, no, you don't NEED a staff to be a shaman, but they are cool. Practically, a staff provides support (duh!) and it helps break me out of my mundane mindset; you could say it magnifies creativity and helps facilitate my connection with nature, spirits and energy (if you believe in that kind of thing *wink*). Mythically, a staff symbolizes higher forms of communication, the axis between heaven and earth, the universal tree of life, and is an antenna to receive, direct and channel energy; essentially, a staff is an extension of your own personal energy and purpose.


See--don't you want a shaman staff now? I haven't yet used it to get water out of a rock a la Moses in the Bible, but maybe soon!

I found the branch in my own yard, and as soon as I picked up it (preparing to toss it on the trash heap)--I felt a little jolt, if you will, and knew it was to be my staff. The wood is maple, which often symbolizes connections to people and nature, bringing things together and attracting positive spirits. All that seemed appropriate for my ordination and my new path.

So I sanded it down and layered on some coats of varnish. At each end, I wrapped copper wire for attracting energy. In the top, I drilled a hole and used a glue gun to attach a quartz crystal--stand back!

A Staff Should Tell Your Spiritual Story
I read somewhere that ritual tools are particularly effective on a subconscious level if they tell a personal story, something spiritual. At the top and bottom of the staff are strands of wooden beads (see 2nd pic close-up). Going from bottom to top, the bead colors symbolize steps along my spiritual path to date. Brown and black represent nature and space, interests that inspired wonder in me as a child; the beige represents clouds/confusion/fogginess and how I wandered from this path; the red symbolizes the blood of Christ and my time as a Christian; the white shows me coming into the light and clear sight, which is where I am now; last, the blue beads represent my birth stone (sapphire) and getting back to what is authentically me.

Baubles, Bangles and More Beads
You can't really see them here, but I used blue ribbon and silvery wire pendants to represent my connection to water. I also attached a bell or two (for the drama!) and a golden leaf pendant, representing nature and the earth.

This last pic shows a strand that includes feathers (my vulture totem plus the concept of spiritual flight), a wooden cross (Christianity), a blue capiz shell piece (water, again) and moonstone (often associated with wolves, my other totem, of course!).

That's more than you probably ever wanted to know, but thanks for indulging me. These were all quite fun to create, and I can't wait to see what my next craft/ritual tool is going to be!

My Shaman Staff and Fine Jewelry

I think I had mentioned that for my interfaith minister ordination and the final workshop of the shamanic mystery school, I made special jewelry to wear and my first shaman staff. Was happy with how everything turned out (I'm a regular at Michael's now!), so here are a few pics.

Since the mystery school was based on the 7 chakras, I wanted to make a necklace that incorporated all the stones representing those chakras. I used mostly crystal chip necklaces that we had been given during the workshops. You can buy similar chakra necklaces but I felt making it myself would be much more personal, especially using those crystals that were given as gifts. The dolphin pendant I did buy, and it represents my life-long connection to water. The 2 bone pieces on either side plus the metallic spacers were all purchased at a local jewelry shop. To the right is a matching anklet--since I wore my sarong, my legs and feet were bare and, hey, I needed some more bling! The oval pieces are moonstone, and the squares are agate.

A Shaman Staff and Symbolism
The next pics are of my shaman staff, what every REAL shaman needs, of course! Actually, no, you don't NEED a staff to be a shaman, but they are cool. Practically, a staff provides support (duh!) and it helps break me out of my mundane mindset; you could say it magnifies creativity and helps facilitate my connection with nature, spirits and energy (if you believe in that kind of thing *wink*). Mythically, a staff symbolizes higher forms of communication, the axis between heaven and earth, the universal tree of life, and is an antenna to receive, direct and channel energy; essentially, a staff is an extension of your own personal energy and purpose.


See--don't you want a shaman staff now? I haven't yet used it to get water out of a rock a la Moses in the Bible, but maybe soon!

I found the branch in my own yard, and as soon as I picked up it (preparing to toss it on the trash heap)--I felt a little jolt, if you will, and knew it was to be my staff. The wood is maple, which often symbolizes connections to people and nature, bringing things together and attracting positive spirits. All that seemed appropriate for my ordination and my new path.

So I sanded it down and layered on some coats of varnish. At each end, I wrapped copper wire for attracting energy. In the top, I drilled a hole and used a glue gun to attach a quartz crystal--stand back!

A Staff Should Tell Your Spiritual Story
I read somewhere that ritual tools are particularly effective on a subconscious level if they tell a personal story, something spiritual. At the top and bottom of the staff are strands of wooden beads (see 2nd pic close-up). Going from bottom to top, the bead colors symbolize steps along my spiritual path to date. Brown and black represent nature and space, interests that inspired wonder in me as a child; the beige represents clouds/confusion/fogginess and how I wandered from this path; the red symbolizes the blood of Christ and my time as a Christian; the white shows me coming into the light and clear sight, which is where I am now; last, the blue beads represent my birth stone (sapphire) and getting back to what is authentically me.

Baubles, Bangles and More Beads
You can't really see them here, but I used blue ribbon and silvery wire pendants to represent my connection to water. I also attached a bell or two (for the drama!) and a golden leaf pendant, representing nature and the earth.

This last pic shows a strand that includes feathers (my vulture totem plus the concept of spiritual flight), a wooden cross (Christianity), a blue capiz shell piece (water, again) and moonstone (often associated with wolves, my other totem, of course!).

That's more than you probably ever wanted to know, but thanks for indulging me. These were all quite fun to create, and I can't wait to see what my next craft/ritual tool is going to be!

We're Going to Work Things Out--Again

Maybe I'm crazy, but I can't give up just yet on my partner. I didn't sleep well Saturday night, and when I awoke the next morning, nothing seemed resolved in my head or heart. Meanwhile, he had left numerous messages. Oh, and I forgot to mention that I did go home briefly Saturday night to talk with him in person. We were both calm and he seemed to be coming around that, yes, he has a drinking problem. We ate a quick dinner but then I left to stay with my sister. Couldn't stay in the house and needed space to sort things out.

Of his voice and text messages, some were tearful and he pleaded with me not to leave; others were sweet and thoughtful. It's hard to argue with that. And it's hard to argue also with someone who, when they're standing in front of you and begin to cry--this from someone who isn't prone to showy displays of emotion. I'll admit it was nice to see that I had hit a nerve and he really did seem to care what happened to us.

Looking for direction and wisdom
So that was later on Sunday. But before I go to that point, I needed some type of direction. The previous night, I took my tarot cards and did a full Celtic Cross spread. I had never done this type of reading before and it's supposed to be one of the most popular layouts. I don't take these things literally, but I've found the cards helpful for breaking through my own psychic defenses and getting to the truth of the matter.


I spent a good deal of time with the cards, and honestly, could have read them in a number of ways. My question was: "Should I give my partner another chance?" Some cards seemed to say "no" while others pointed me toward "yes." One particular card stood out: the Page of Cups. Within the spread I used, this card represented the immediate future of the situation. Of the interpretations offered, one suggested that communication was closed and another needed my help to express some emotion or truth that is keeping them feeling down. Sure, you can read what you want into that, but it attached itself to my brain and wouldn't let go. I also saw that it could mean that by leaving him, I might actually help. Tricky.

So I slept on it. The next morning, still unsettled, I drove back home to the Grove. My partner was away for the morning, and I felt I needed a walk in the woods. It had been some time since I had been in the woods, and I was hoping something might click into place. I walked to a favorite place by one of the ponds and watched the wind ripple the surface of the water. It was a brisk but sunny morning. A large blue heron flew by twice, and I was surprised to hear tree frogs croaking so early in the season.


Naturally, I tried to remember what these creatures symbolize. For many, the heron is a good omen, a lucky sign, and some Native Americans saw it as a call to go with the natural flow of things. Frogs are often thought to symbolize strength during life's transitions.

But it was cool and I had forgotten my jacket, so I didn't stay too long. And yet, I felt much more calm, peaceful, at rest, than I had in 2 days. When I got a message from my partner that he wanted to talk around lunchtime, I said yes. And I felt it was the right thing to do. So that's when he teared up, when we saw each other the first time yesterday. And I already knew that I would at least go home that night, take it one day at a time, so to speak, and see what happens next.

We talked about his drinking and he said he would set up another appointment with our former couples' counselor. He said he would try out Alcoholics Anonymous. One thing I did not do is make any decisions for him--this has been one of my faults, trying to save him, trying too hard to help. As a result, he doesn't have to take any responsibility. When he asked if I thought I should never drink again, I simply replied that he needed to make that decision.

Is any decision ever the "right" one?
I kept worrying about what the "right" decision was, for him and for me. Then I got a unexpected email from a friend that runs Mountain Light Sanctuary, a retreat center in North Carolina. It was a mass email to folks who had signed up for his newsletter. In it, he talked about how there are no distinctions between "good" decisions and "bad" ones. He relayed an old Chinese proverb that explains this. Basically, we can see "good" or "bad" wherever we want, depending on our circumstances. Regardless, each decision is an opportunity for education, for learning more about ourselves and those around us. There aren't necessarily winners and losers in this life, if you don't buy into the competitive, individualistic grid that is imposed on our culture.

So I don't know if what I've decided is "right"--but that seems irrelevant. I've made my decision, for now. Tomorrow may hold something different. Best thing is I do feel at peace at the moment. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment--it's much appreciated.

We're Going to Work Things Out--Again

Maybe I'm crazy, but I can't give up just yet on my partner. I didn't sleep well Saturday night, and when I awoke the next morning, nothing seemed resolved in my head or heart. Meanwhile, he had left numerous messages. Oh, and I forgot to mention that I did go home briefly Saturday night to talk with him in person. We were both calm and he seemed to be coming around that, yes, he has a drinking problem. We ate a quick dinner but then I left to stay with my sister. Couldn't stay in the house and needed space to sort things out.

Of his voice and text messages, some were tearful and he pleaded with me not to leave; others were sweet and thoughtful. It's hard to argue with that. And it's hard to argue also with someone who, when they're standing in front of you and begin to cry--this from someone who isn't prone to showy displays of emotion. I'll admit it was nice to see that I had hit a nerve and he really did seem to care what happened to us.

Looking for direction and wisdom
So that was later on Sunday. But before I go to that point, I needed some type of direction. The previous night, I took my tarot cards and did a full Celtic Cross spread. I had never done this type of reading before and it's supposed to be one of the most popular layouts. I don't take these things literally, but I've found the cards helpful for breaking through my own psychic defenses and getting to the truth of the matter.


I spent a good deal of time with the cards, and honestly, could have read them in a number of ways. My question was: "Should I give my partner another chance?" Some cards seemed to say "no" while others pointed me toward "yes." One particular card stood out: the Page of Cups. Within the spread I used, this card represented the immediate future of the situation. Of the interpretations offered, one suggested that communication was closed and another needed my help to express some emotion or truth that is keeping them feeling down. Sure, you can read what you want into that, but it attached itself to my brain and wouldn't let go. I also saw that it could mean that by leaving him, I might actually help. Tricky.

So I slept on it. The next morning, still unsettled, I drove back home to the Grove. My partner was away for the morning, and I felt I needed a walk in the woods. It had been some time since I had been in the woods, and I was hoping something might click into place. I walked to a favorite place by one of the ponds and watched the wind ripple the surface of the water. It was a brisk but sunny morning. A large blue heron flew by twice, and I was surprised to hear tree frogs croaking so early in the season.


Naturally, I tried to remember what these creatures symbolize. For many, the heron is a good omen, a lucky sign, and some Native Americans saw it as a call to go with the natural flow of things. Frogs are often thought to symbolize strength during life's transitions.

But it was cool and I had forgotten my jacket, so I didn't stay too long. And yet, I felt much more calm, peaceful, at rest, than I had in 2 days. When I got a message from my partner that he wanted to talk around lunchtime, I said yes. And I felt it was the right thing to do. So that's when he teared up, when we saw each other the first time yesterday. And I already knew that I would at least go home that night, take it one day at a time, so to speak, and see what happens next.

We talked about his drinking and he said he would set up another appointment with our former couples' counselor. He said he would try out Alcoholics Anonymous. One thing I did not do is make any decisions for him--this has been one of my faults, trying to save him, trying too hard to help. As a result, he doesn't have to take any responsibility. When he asked if I thought I should never drink again, I simply replied that he needed to make that decision.

Is any decision ever the "right" one?
I kept worrying about what the "right" decision was, for him and for me. Then I got a unexpected email from a friend that runs Mountain Light Sanctuary, a retreat center in North Carolina. It was a mass email to folks who had signed up for his newsletter. In it, he talked about how there are no distinctions between "good" decisions and "bad" ones. He relayed an old Chinese proverb that explains this. Basically, we can see "good" or "bad" wherever we want, depending on our circumstances. Regardless, each decision is an opportunity for education, for learning more about ourselves and those around us. There aren't necessarily winners and losers in this life, if you don't buy into the competitive, individualistic grid that is imposed on our culture.

So I don't know if what I've decided is "right"--but that seems irrelevant. I've made my decision, for now. Tomorrow may hold something different. Best thing is I do feel at peace at the moment. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment--it's much appreciated.

Spooky Skull of Death or Merely the Spirit of the Earth?

Been a busy few days but I'm back!

So with the fall season approaching, which means Halloween (my favorite!), I thought I'd post on this spooky "skull" formation I photographed in the Grove several weeks ago.


Animal burrows form the 2 "eyes" at the top and a smaller "mouth." The roots form a "nose" shape. Isn't it weird how these burrows were placed just so? Also, this is actually a mound, not set in the ground. It's as if a giant face pressed into the earth from below! They way the ground falls away and the way the moss grows gives it a vaguely skull-like shape: wider and rounded at the top with a smaller "jaw" area at the bottom.

This really freaked me out when I first saw it. "Is it a sign? A warning?" Then I realized, it only looks like a skull if you come at it from a very specific direction. Otherwise, it's just holes in the ground.

So rather than be spooked, I did some reading on skulls. Obviously, there's the popular symbolism of death and evil. But other traditions see skulls as representations of stripping away the ego until all that's left is the pure spirit, which is neither good nor evil but divine or true. Sort of like being stripped to your true nature. I like that.


This formation is located in the Circle, which I've posted about before. Interestingly, that one upright stone that is located mere yards away also symbolizes spirit, I discovered. The Hawaiian tradition stresses that spirit has no form, but when representing spirit, you'll often see single upright stones--just like this one (at right)!

Yep, this little spot in the Grove has some serious power!

Spooky Skull of Death or Merely the Spirit of the Earth?

Been a busy few days but I'm back!

So with the fall season approaching, which means Halloween (my favorite!), I thought I'd post on this spooky "skull" formation I photographed in the Grove several weeks ago.


Animal burrows form the 2 "eyes" at the top and a smaller "mouth." The roots form a "nose" shape. Isn't it weird how these burrows were placed just so? Also, this is actually a mound, not set in the ground. It's as if a giant face pressed into the earth from below! They way the ground falls away and the way the moss grows gives it a vaguely skull-like shape: wider and rounded at the top with a smaller "jaw" area at the bottom.

This really freaked me out when I first saw it. "Is it a sign? A warning?" Then I realized, it only looks like a skull if you come at it from a very specific direction. Otherwise, it's just holes in the ground.

So rather than be spooked, I did some reading on skulls. Obviously, there's the popular symbolism of death and evil. But other traditions see skulls as representations of stripping away the ego until all that's left is the pure spirit, which is neither good nor evil but divine or true. Sort of like being stripped to your true nature. I like that.


This formation is located in the Circle, which I've posted about before. Interestingly, that one upright stone that is located mere yards away also symbolizes spirit, I discovered. The Hawaiian tradition stresses that spirit has no form, but when representing spirit, you'll often see single upright stones--just like this one (at right)!

Yep, this little spot in the Grove has some serious power!