Party at My Pad! Wrapping Up My Quest to Join the Illuminati With Final Steps 16-18

Ok, it's almost graduation time, kids, when we get to flip that Illuminati tassle over to the other side! Oh yeah, there will totally be a kegger afterwards (and Illuminati brothers totally have the best party connections). If you've been paying attention, then you know I've been acing this Illuminati application thing. I have a few steps to knock out but mostly, I'm in!

Finally, the last 3 of 18 steps. Drum roll, please!

16) Be judicious with what you tell people.

Hell, I do this already! As I've said before, I don't go around just telling anyone that I'm a shaman. So hiding my Illuminati ambitions will be a piece of cake!

17) Always appear to know more than what you are revealing. 

Ok, I can work on that. Typically, I like to play a little dumb to throw everyone off--but this should be fun. Get 'em worked up and leave 'em wantin' more! 

18) Be patient. You can only join the Illuminati after years of demonstrating your worth. This could take decades. 

Well, my partner has always said that I'm persistent and I never let anything go (hmmmm). And patience? See #1! 

Joining the Illuminati wasn't as difficult as I thought. As membership privileges roll my way, I'll be sure to let you know how I make out and how much power, money, influence I have. Don't be a hater.

Party at My Pad! Wrapping Up My Quest to Join the Illuminati With Final Steps 16-18

Ok, it's almost graduation time, kids, when we get to flip that Illuminati tassle over to the other side! Oh yeah, there will totally be a kegger afterwards (and Illuminati brothers totally have the best party connections). If you've been paying attention, then you know I've been acing this Illuminati application thing. I have a few steps to knock out but mostly, I'm in!

Finally, the last 3 of 18 steps. Drum roll, please!

16) Be judicious with what you tell people.

Hell, I do this already! As I've said before, I don't go around just telling anyone that I'm a shaman. So hiding my Illuminati ambitions will be a piece of cake!

17) Always appear to know more than what you are revealing. 

Ok, I can work on that. Typically, I like to play a little dumb to throw everyone off--but this should be fun. Get 'em worked up and leave 'em wantin' more! 

18) Be patient. You can only join the Illuminati after years of demonstrating your worth. This could take decades. 

Well, my partner has always said that I'm persistent and I never let anything go (hmmmm). And patience? See #1! 

Joining the Illuminati wasn't as difficult as I thought. As membership privileges roll my way, I'll be sure to let you know how I make out and how much power, money, influence I have. Don't be a hater.

My Quest to Join the Illuminati: Steps 13-15

Almost made it through my little Illuminati checklist. After these 3, only 3 more to go!

13) Have all your outward appearances be that of a decent, moral and upstanding citizen. 

Oh, sister, I already have them ALL fooled! Done.

14) Openly become a member of the Christian clergy while secretly holding some occult practice. 

Easy one. I was ordained as an interfaith minister several months ago--and most people think I just do weddings (how sweet, right?) But most don't realize that I also get my ju-ju on and bang my shaman drums! I can shape-shift with the best of 'em!

15) Create a network of connections that form a hierarchy. 

Hmmm--does my experience with Amway count? Yes--it's true. I was once in Amway (hangs head in shame). BUT, it's all about schemes called "pyramids" and hierarchies--so I can totally do this Illuminati gig. 

My Quest to Join the Illuminati: Steps 13-15

Almost made it through my little Illuminati checklist. After these 3, only 3 more to go!

13) Have all your outward appearances be that of a decent, moral and upstanding citizen. 

Oh, sister, I already have them ALL fooled! Done.

14) Openly become a member of the Christian clergy while secretly holding some occult practice. 

Easy one. I was ordained as an interfaith minister several months ago--and most people think I just do weddings (how sweet, right?) But most don't realize that I also get my ju-ju on and bang my shaman drums! I can shape-shift with the best of 'em!

15) Create a network of connections that form a hierarchy. 

Hmmm--does my experience with Amway count? Yes--it's true. I was once in Amway (hangs head in shame). BUT, it's all about schemes called "pyramids" and hierarchies--so I can totally do this Illuminati gig. 

My Quest to Join the Illuminati: Steps 9-12

Halfway there! By the way, I've been working on Step #6 (Join the Masons). I'm casually including my interest in conversation, just in case I might stumble over a real Mason. Mostly, people just laugh and talk about the Shriner's--I guess because they wear those funny hats.

Photo: Please note, these are NOT Masons--and I refuse to join any organization, no matter how sinister, that makes me ride in miniature cars wearing a fez! 

But I'm also researching the Masons, and the info isn't as exciting as I had hoped. Apparently, the "original" Masons don't allow conversations on religion or politics! Now where's the fun in that?

So, steps 9-12 of 18.

9) Join a coven or magickal group. 

Easy! Now that I completed that shamanic mystery school last year, I'm in deep! Done.

10) Find your way into the circles of the elite.

I also got this one. One of my jobs includes editing for a publishing company whose CEO runs a major national charity and has high-level government connections. I live only a few miles from this person, have been to the home a few times and we're on a first-name basis.

11) While with the elite, cautiously demonstrate your ambition and inclination toward the occult. 

Another easy one. I already do this--you can't exactly tell everyone you know that you're a shaman!

12) Build a group of "slaves."

Hmmm--don't have any slaves yet but it does sound like fun. I'll get right to work with the oppression!

Only 6 more steps to go to Illuminati prominence! Ooooh, I hope they have cool ceremonies and pins. 

My Quest to Join the Illuminati: Steps 9-12

Halfway there! By the way, I've been working on Step #6 (Join the Masons). I'm casually including my interest in conversation, just in case I might stumble over a real Mason. Mostly, people just laugh and talk about the Shriner's--I guess because they wear those funny hats.

Photo: Please note, these are NOT Masons--and I refuse to join any organization, no matter how sinister, that makes me ride in miniature cars wearing a fez! 

But I'm also researching the Masons, and the info isn't as exciting as I had hoped. Apparently, the "original" Masons don't allow conversations on religion or politics! Now where's the fun in that?

So, steps 9-12 of 18.

9) Join a coven or magickal group. 

Easy! Now that I completed that shamanic mystery school last year, I'm in deep! Done.

10) Find your way into the circles of the elite.

I also got this one. One of my jobs includes editing for a publishing company whose CEO runs a major national charity and has high-level government connections. I live only a few miles from this person, have been to the home a few times and we're on a first-name basis.

11) While with the elite, cautiously demonstrate your ambition and inclination toward the occult. 

Another easy one. I already do this--you can't exactly tell everyone you know that you're a shaman!

12) Build a group of "slaves."

Hmmm--don't have any slaves yet but it does sound like fun. I'll get right to work with the oppression!

Only 6 more steps to go to Illuminati prominence! Ooooh, I hope they have cool ceremonies and pins. 

Shamans, Moravians--and how the Universe Connects It All Together

Do you ever feel like things suddenly fit together perfectly, like Lego blocks? I don't always feel that way, but there are some things going on right now in my life that seem to be connected in rather unexpected ways.

So I met earlier today with the local student who wants me to serve as a mentor for her high school graduation project on shamanism. We talked over what she could research, what she would like to learn and so on. Ultimately, she has to make the decision, but hopefully, I've helped guide her in a direction that will be exciting and beneficial.

I met the girl's mother and older sister, too. Very nice folks--and very open-minded, too. I'm sure it isn't every day your child comes home and says they want to do a project on shamanism! But during the conversation, I discover the family is Moravian. Now, what are Moravians, you ask? Some weird pagan cult? Actually, they're the oldest Protestant Christian denomination (predating Martin Luther)--and my mother's family is Moravian!

Most people, even Christians, have never heard of Moravians. Which is a shame because this group paved the way for so many. But they're not big proselytizers, and there's only 1 local Moravian church where I live. So to meet other Moravians is rather rare and interesting all by itself. However, the other week I felt compelled to do some research into Moravians, and at the time, I really couldn't explain why. But earlier today, my research paid off and it entered my conversation with this family as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Instantly, I had a special bond with these folks--and if it did nothing more than put the student's family at ease, well, that's good enough for me. But then the older sister--who's just returned from a Moravian missionary stint in Costa Rica--tells me of a Moravian minister she knows who has a particular interest in shamanism, and she acts as if it's the most normal thing in the world! Hmmm, maybe there's more I need to learn about this ancestral religion of mine. And it certainly pays to listen to spirit.

The Illuminati Connection! 

Ok, now this is totally tongue-in-cheek--but Moravians may even have an Illuminati connection! It seems one Illuminati group sprang up in the Bavarian region of Germany back in the 1700s. Well, guess where my mother's family is from! Her great-great-great (add several more) grandfather came from Bavaria 'round about this time, and he was Moravian--OMG! Come on, think about it: A little-known Protestant sect survives by going underground for centuries, was once called the "Czech Brethren," re-emerges to come to the New World, and although few people have heard of Moravians, their symbols--Christmas stars (see below), cookies and Lovefeasts--are widely known.

I even think the Rosicrucians have roots in Germany, too. Wow, so what is it about Germany and secret societies?

Shamans, Moravians--and how the Universe Connects It All Together

Do you ever feel like things suddenly fit together perfectly, like Lego blocks? I don't always feel that way, but there are some things going on right now in my life that seem to be connected in rather unexpected ways.

So I met earlier today with the local student who wants me to serve as a mentor for her high school graduation project on shamanism. We talked over what she could research, what she would like to learn and so on. Ultimately, she has to make the decision, but hopefully, I've helped guide her in a direction that will be exciting and beneficial.

I met the girl's mother and older sister, too. Very nice folks--and very open-minded, too. I'm sure it isn't every day your child comes home and says they want to do a project on shamanism! But during the conversation, I discover the family is Moravian. Now, what are Moravians, you ask? Some weird pagan cult? Actually, they're the oldest Protestant Christian denomination (predating Martin Luther)--and my mother's family is Moravian!

Most people, even Christians, have never heard of Moravians. Which is a shame because this group paved the way for so many. But they're not big proselytizers, and there's only 1 local Moravian church where I live. So to meet other Moravians is rather rare and interesting all by itself. However, the other week I felt compelled to do some research into Moravians, and at the time, I really couldn't explain why. But earlier today, my research paid off and it entered my conversation with this family as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Instantly, I had a special bond with these folks--and if it did nothing more than put the student's family at ease, well, that's good enough for me. But then the older sister--who's just returned from a Moravian missionary stint in Costa Rica--tells me of a Moravian minister she knows who has a particular interest in shamanism, and she acts as if it's the most normal thing in the world! Hmmm, maybe there's more I need to learn about this ancestral religion of mine. And it certainly pays to listen to spirit.

The Illuminati Connection! 

Ok, now this is totally tongue-in-cheek--but Moravians may even have an Illuminati connection! It seems one Illuminati group sprang up in the Bavarian region of Germany back in the 1700s. Well, guess where my mother's family is from! Her great-great-great (add several more) grandfather came from Bavaria 'round about this time, and he was Moravian--OMG! Come on, think about it: A little-known Protestant sect survives by going underground for centuries, was once called the "Czech Brethren," re-emerges to come to the New World, and although few people have heard of Moravians, their symbols--Christmas stars (see below), cookies and Lovefeasts--are widely known.

I even think the Rosicrucians have roots in Germany, too. Wow, so what is it about Germany and secret societies?

My Quest to Join the Illuminati: Steps 5-8

Continuing with my quest, let's look at where I stand on steps 5-8 (of the 18 I mentioned in my last post).

5) Incorporate Illuminati symbolism into everything you do. 

Easy! See me giving the "all-seeing eye" above, and I've added one to the sidebar. Plus, I have the CD of that Illuminati puppet herself, Lady Gaga, in my pick-up.

6) Like anyone with ambitions of world domination, join the Masons. 

To be perfectly honest, I have wondered a lot lately about what it would be like to be a Mason, plus I do love ritual and fancy outfits. So, never say never!

7) Join any other occult group with a degree system like the Rosicrucians and work your way up the ladder. 

The Rosicrucians have always fascinated me--and they even have a park! That's right, in plain ol' San Jose, California. Did you know that the Rosicrucians originated in Germany? Which is were my mother's family is from--OMG! (And that isn't the only Germany connection...) Plus, I have just learned that an acquaintance of mine is the Grand Councilor for the state where I live! So yeah, this one will be easy.

8) Study mystery religions and occult practices.

Well, duh--shamanism! Done. That was easy--I'm well on my way to Illuminati prominence!

My Quest to Join the Illuminati: Steps 5-8

Continuing with my quest, let's look at where I stand on steps 5-8 (of the 18 I mentioned in my last post).

5) Incorporate Illuminati symbolism into everything you do. 

Easy! See me giving the "all-seeing eye" above, and I've added one to the sidebar. Plus, I have the CD of that Illuminati puppet herself, Lady Gaga, in my pick-up.

6) Like anyone with ambitions of world domination, join the Masons. 

To be perfectly honest, I have wondered a lot lately about what it would be like to be a Mason, plus I do love ritual and fancy outfits. So, never say never!

7) Join any other occult group with a degree system like the Rosicrucians and work your way up the ladder. 

The Rosicrucians have always fascinated me--and they even have a park! That's right, in plain ol' San Jose, California. Did you know that the Rosicrucians originated in Germany? Which is were my mother's family is from--OMG! (And that isn't the only Germany connection...) Plus, I have just learned that an acquaintance of mine is the Grand Councilor for the state where I live! So yeah, this one will be easy.

8) Study mystery religions and occult practices.

Well, duh--shamanism! Done. That was easy--I'm well on my way to Illuminati prominence!

My Quest to Join the Illuminati: Steps 1-4

"Illuminati" by artist Daniel Martin Diaz

Already I've become obsessed with this whole secret society thing. Do they really exist and do they really exert any kind of control or influence? Or--just maybe this is what THEY wanted all along, and their evil mind control powers are already at work on me! Discuss.

So, gentle visitor and author Dantalion Jones commented on one of my posts and noted the 18 steps that one should take to join the Illuminati (originally from author JK Ellis--or, are these 2 the same person?). It seemed to me that these 18 steps were shared in jest, so with that same spirit, I thought I'd have a little fun and see just how close I can come to joining the Illuminati. (And I'm sure that the number 18 is magickal in and of itself, you know, 9 + 9 = 18 and 1 & 8 = 9, so I'm sure all those 9s symbolize some great mind control thingy. I'm lacking in the numerology department.)

Here we go:

1) Be patient and take the long view of things. The Illuminati is, if nothing else, patient with its goal of world domination. 

Easy one. Everyone I know says I have patience to spare. Done!

2) Start your own form of Illuminati group that models everything you know about the so-called "real" Illuminati. Your members should want power, money, control and domination while simultaneously keeping their influence hidden.

Another easy one. Most bloggers I know fit this category! We create our own little words, control who gets to post and rule with an iron fist! And we're anonymous. Done!

3) Study up on what the paranoid conspiracy theorists say about the Illuminati, and learn as much as you can.

I've seen "Angels and Demons," and I'm a fan of Lady Gaga--so, done!

4) Get a degree from Harvard and join the Skull and Bones Society (because, you know, anyone who's anyone in the Illuminati have these connections).

Hmm, this will take some creativity. I can't afford Harvard, however, I do have 2 friends who graduated from Princeton, which is sorta the same thing, so maybe they'll help me out. And I have 2 degrees of my own, so I can sound real smart. Plus, when I was a child, my friends and I created this secret club called (no lie) The Secret X Club, and we totally made our other friends "interview" before they could officially join. Which, I'm sure, is sorta like Skull and Bones--so I'm confident that I can fudge this part of the Illuminati application. (And for the record--no, I never would've let George W join MY secret society! The Secret X Club had very high standards.)

That's a good start, don't you think? Stay tuned to see how I rank on the next several steps!

My Quest to Join the Illuminati: Steps 1-4

"Illuminati" by artist Daniel Martin Diaz

Already I've become obsessed with this whole secret society thing. Do they really exist and do they really exert any kind of control or influence? Or--just maybe this is what THEY wanted all along, and their evil mind control powers are already at work on me! Discuss.

So, gentle visitor and author Dantalion Jones commented on one of my posts and noted the 18 steps that one should take to join the Illuminati (originally from author JK Ellis--or, are these 2 the same person?). It seemed to me that these 18 steps were shared in jest, so with that same spirit, I thought I'd have a little fun and see just how close I can come to joining the Illuminati. (And I'm sure that the number 18 is magickal in and of itself, you know, 9 + 9 = 18 and 1 & 8 = 9, so I'm sure all those 9s symbolize some great mind control thingy. I'm lacking in the numerology department.)

Here we go:

1) Be patient and take the long view of things. The Illuminati is, if nothing else, patient with its goal of world domination. 

Easy one. Everyone I know says I have patience to spare. Done!

2) Start your own form of Illuminati group that models everything you know about the so-called "real" Illuminati. Your members should want power, money, control and domination while simultaneously keeping their influence hidden.

Another easy one. Most bloggers I know fit this category! We create our own little words, control who gets to post and rule with an iron fist! And we're anonymous. Done!

3) Study up on what the paranoid conspiracy theorists say about the Illuminati, and learn as much as you can.

I've seen "Angels and Demons," and I'm a fan of Lady Gaga--so, done!

4) Get a degree from Harvard and join the Skull and Bones Society (because, you know, anyone who's anyone in the Illuminati have these connections).

Hmm, this will take some creativity. I can't afford Harvard, however, I do have 2 friends who graduated from Princeton, which is sorta the same thing, so maybe they'll help me out. And I have 2 degrees of my own, so I can sound real smart. Plus, when I was a child, my friends and I created this secret club called (no lie) The Secret X Club, and we totally made our other friends "interview" before they could officially join. Which, I'm sure, is sorta like Skull and Bones--so I'm confident that I can fudge this part of the Illuminati application. (And for the record--no, I never would've let George W join MY secret society! The Secret X Club had very high standards.)

That's a good start, don't you think? Stay tuned to see how I rank on the next several steps!

Wanted: Job with the Illuminati or Other Well-Connected World Conspiracy

If you don't lurk in certain darkened corners of the Net like I tend to do, you may not be aware of the static being generated by a few pop stars and their videos, particularly Lady Gaga and Jay-Z. Seems people either think they're brainwashing us all with secret, sinister Masonic or Illuminati symbols. Or, like over at The Secret Sun, it's all just talentless pop stars being managed by more intelligent handlers who are exploiting said symbolism for money.

The Wild Hunt offers some good details, including this video--which proposes such sloppy connections that it's laughable.

But wait--that's their PLAN, isn't it!? To make us think they're foolish and harmless--that's how the brainwashing works!

Seriously, all I know is that Gaga and Jay-Z have gobs of money, so if the Illuminati or the Masons are looking for extras, call me. I'm available. Because whatever mojo you guys have seems to be working. Has for centuries, right? Use me, abuse me, make me rich! Or at least we'll have fun scaring all the Muggles!

Call me....

Wanted: Job with the Illuminati or Other Well-Connected World Conspiracy

If you don't lurk in certain darkened corners of the Net like I tend to do, you may not be aware of the static being generated by a few pop stars and their videos, particularly Lady Gaga and Jay-Z. Seems people either think they're brainwashing us all with secret, sinister Masonic or Illuminati symbols. Or, like over at The Secret Sun, it's all just talentless pop stars being managed by more intelligent handlers who are exploiting said symbolism for money.

The Wild Hunt offers some good details, including this video--which proposes such sloppy connections that it's laughable.

But wait--that's their PLAN, isn't it!? To make us think they're foolish and harmless--that's how the brainwashing works!

Seriously, all I know is that Gaga and Jay-Z have gobs of money, so if the Illuminati or the Masons are looking for extras, call me. I'm available. Because whatever mojo you guys have seems to be working. Has for centuries, right? Use me, abuse me, make me rich! Or at least we'll have fun scaring all the Muggles!

Call me....