If I Lived In Bahrain, Would I Be Arrested for Sorcery?

So the Middle Eastern nation of Bahrain has made "sorcery" a crime, although they didn't exactly say how sorcery is described. Except to say it could be anything defined as "paranormal" by scientific and religious beliefs. Um, doesn't that present a problem. I mean, science might say that any religion is in itself "paranormal,"--so by that logic you might be considered a sorcerer for just being a good Muslim. And of course, it's very convenient when one religion has the power to label another set of beliefs "paranormal." After all, Muslims can't prove they're praying to the One True God any more than I prove that the images in my head are really animal totems.

Which brings me back to my question. Yes, I suppose I would be arrested if I lived in Bahrain, performing all my rituals, meditations and such. Ridiculous! Set aside the concept of religious freedom for a moment. Sure, we should all respect each other, but that isn't what bothers me most.

What bothers me most is that all religions and spiritual beliefs can be considered "sorcery" depending on your perspective. And none of it can be proven--not praying to Allah or Jesus or holding ceremonies for Mother Earth or Isis. Personally, I don't think any of it is "real" in the way most people conceive it. Let me explain. Say I decide to "curse" my neighbor because his cat pooped in my flower bed, and so I mix some herbs and potions together and light a candle and say a spell. Honestly, I don't think it has any effect on my neighbor--or his cat--unless that neighbor is aware of my intention. If he is aware, then he might begin to associate my "curse" with some bad luck that comes his way--but did my "curse" really work or was it simply the power of suggestion?

I think prayer is the same way. I think if you know people are praying for you or sending good thoughts or whatever, that makes you feel better. But me sitting in my house praying for people in Africa does no good whatsoever, except maybe to make me more aware of Africa, which might lead me to take real action.

Years ago, I examined my Christian faith and decided it didn't work as advertised. So why bother? But I do like ritual, and I can't shake my spiritual bent, so if I'm going to be all crazy religious, then I should at least get something out of it--and so shamanism and nature-based philosophy works for me. But just because I burn sage and ring chimes doesn't make me Harry Potter. Even if I really believe deep down in my heart that I'm tapping into something mystical or paranormal, that still doesn't make it real. For me, I have to walk that fine line and keep that balance. It keeps me grounded, helps me retain my sense of humor and prevents me from falling right back into some crazy fundie literalism like before.

I know this is just me ranting, but I can't help it. It's just so sad when cultures or nations like Bahrain are so entrenched in their worldview that they cannot see their own folly. European cultures have already been through this, and maybe every culture has to do it in order to evolve. There are true crimes in this world that need to be punished--murder, rape, theft and so on--but "sorcery?"

If I Lived In Bahrain, Would I Be Arrested for Sorcery?

So the Middle Eastern nation of Bahrain has made "sorcery" a crime, although they didn't exactly say how sorcery is described. Except to say it could be anything defined as "paranormal" by scientific and religious beliefs. Um, doesn't that present a problem. I mean, science might say that any religion is in itself "paranormal,"--so by that logic you might be considered a sorcerer for just being a good Muslim. And of course, it's very convenient when one religion has the power to label another set of beliefs "paranormal." After all, Muslims can't prove they're praying to the One True God any more than I prove that the images in my head are really animal totems.

Which brings me back to my question. Yes, I suppose I would be arrested if I lived in Bahrain, performing all my rituals, meditations and such. Ridiculous! Set aside the concept of religious freedom for a moment. Sure, we should all respect each other, but that isn't what bothers me most.

What bothers me most is that all religions and spiritual beliefs can be considered "sorcery" depending on your perspective. And none of it can be proven--not praying to Allah or Jesus or holding ceremonies for Mother Earth or Isis. Personally, I don't think any of it is "real" in the way most people conceive it. Let me explain. Say I decide to "curse" my neighbor because his cat pooped in my flower bed, and so I mix some herbs and potions together and light a candle and say a spell. Honestly, I don't think it has any effect on my neighbor--or his cat--unless that neighbor is aware of my intention. If he is aware, then he might begin to associate my "curse" with some bad luck that comes his way--but did my "curse" really work or was it simply the power of suggestion?

I think prayer is the same way. I think if you know people are praying for you or sending good thoughts or whatever, that makes you feel better. But me sitting in my house praying for people in Africa does no good whatsoever, except maybe to make me more aware of Africa, which might lead me to take real action.

Years ago, I examined my Christian faith and decided it didn't work as advertised. So why bother? But I do like ritual, and I can't shake my spiritual bent, so if I'm going to be all crazy religious, then I should at least get something out of it--and so shamanism and nature-based philosophy works for me. But just because I burn sage and ring chimes doesn't make me Harry Potter. Even if I really believe deep down in my heart that I'm tapping into something mystical or paranormal, that still doesn't make it real. For me, I have to walk that fine line and keep that balance. It keeps me grounded, helps me retain my sense of humor and prevents me from falling right back into some crazy fundie literalism like before.

I know this is just me ranting, but I can't help it. It's just so sad when cultures or nations like Bahrain are so entrenched in their worldview that they cannot see their own folly. European cultures have already been through this, and maybe every culture has to do it in order to evolve. There are true crimes in this world that need to be punished--murder, rape, theft and so on--but "sorcery?"

What's On the Altar?

So this past weekend was the spring equinox, and I set up what was actually my first-ever altar/ceremony for Alban Eiler. I like that term because it's Welsh for "light of spring," which is so much more evocative than the merely technical "equinox." And my dad's family is from somewhere in the British Isles, so it seems to fit me.

On past Alban Eilers, I've been out enjoying the warmer weather, which is certainly a good way to mark the occasion. But I love ritual, and having put several of these together, it's actually difficult to find something that I consider simple yet meaningful. Other rituals I've found online are quite lengthy or are too wrapped up in pseudo-Celtic trappings that it feels more like a stage performance than a spiritual act. (I'm thinking about putting together a book on these and other rituals, something that's very approachable.)

Anyhow, I built this ritual around the themes of renewal, balance and fertility. The daffodils, forsythia and easter eggs speak to fertility (and inside the eggs were pieces of a chocolate bunny and Peeps!). The silvery stick or wand I often use in winter rituals, so it was symbolically put away while bringing out the rattle wrapped in ivy (hand-made by yours truly). Then the sounds made by the rattle and conch horn were used to help "awaken the land," as all the plants and animals stir back to life (i.e., renewal). The yin-yang symbol speaks to balance, obviously, as does the black candle (night/dark) and white candle (day/light).

I also threw in some seasonal poetry and a little background music--oh, and there was wine, too! The tingsha chimes were used to ritually clear the space. Of course, you don't need these rituals to enjoy spring--but for me, it helps me maintain my awareness of how our world works, its countless wonders that are too often overlooked and my place in the grand scheme of being.

What's On the Altar?

So this past weekend was the spring equinox, and I set up what was actually my first-ever altar/ceremony for Alban Eiler. I like that term because it's Welsh for "light of spring," which is so much more evocative than the merely technical "equinox." And my dad's family is from somewhere in the British Isles, so it seems to fit me.

On past Alban Eilers, I've been out enjoying the warmer weather, which is certainly a good way to mark the occasion. But I love ritual, and having put several of these together, it's actually difficult to find something that I consider simple yet meaningful. Other rituals I've found online are quite lengthy or are too wrapped up in pseudo-Celtic trappings that it feels more like a stage performance than a spiritual act. (I'm thinking about putting together a book on these and other rituals, something that's very approachable.)

Anyhow, I built this ritual around the themes of renewal, balance and fertility. The daffodils, forsythia and easter eggs speak to fertility (and inside the eggs were pieces of a chocolate bunny and Peeps!). The silvery stick or wand I often use in winter rituals, so it was symbolically put away while bringing out the rattle wrapped in ivy (hand-made by yours truly). Then the sounds made by the rattle and conch horn were used to help "awaken the land," as all the plants and animals stir back to life (i.e., renewal). The yin-yang symbol speaks to balance, obviously, as does the black candle (night/dark) and white candle (day/light).

I also threw in some seasonal poetry and a little background music--oh, and there was wine, too! The tingsha chimes were used to ritually clear the space. Of course, you don't need these rituals to enjoy spring--but for me, it helps me maintain my awareness of how our world works, its countless wonders that are too often overlooked and my place in the grand scheme of being.

A Night of Drumming, the Green Fairy and Fire!

Got together last night with some friends who attended the Shamanic Mystery School with me last year, for "food, fun and fellowship" as the Christians like to say. Except it was a lot more fun and boisterous than any of those Baptist get-togethers I used to frequent.

Bawdy humor, of the shamanic variety, a great venison dish and my first taste of absinthe! I didn't actually see any green fairies (as the drink was once called) but then i only had 1 small glass. But it was tasty--if you like licorice.

Then the 6 of us headed outdoors around the fire for some drumming, and my friend sang a beautiful Native American song. Then we took turns throwing something into the fire that symbolized what we wanted to leave behind (my fear of what others think) and something symbolizing 1 thing we wanted to create this year (a new relationship with my partner). The fire was warm as was the spirit energy in that small circle. Then we headed back inside for a long period of drumming. It's been long overdue!

And so I left feeling refreshed and my perspective--on lots of things--renewed. Now to just hold on to that perspective and try to carry it into the coming week.

Thanks for stopping by!

A Night of Drumming, the Green Fairy and Fire!

Got together last night with some friends who attended the Shamanic Mystery School with me last year, for "food, fun and fellowship" as the Christians like to say. Except it was a lot more fun and boisterous than any of those Baptist get-togethers I used to frequent.

Bawdy humor, of the shamanic variety, a great venison dish and my first taste of absinthe! I didn't actually see any green fairies (as the drink was once called) but then i only had 1 small glass. But it was tasty--if you like licorice.

Then the 6 of us headed outdoors around the fire for some drumming, and my friend sang a beautiful Native American song. Then we took turns throwing something into the fire that symbolized what we wanted to leave behind (my fear of what others think) and something symbolizing 1 thing we wanted to create this year (a new relationship with my partner). The fire was warm as was the spirit energy in that small circle. Then we headed back inside for a long period of drumming. It's been long overdue!

And so I left feeling refreshed and my perspective--on lots of things--renewed. Now to just hold on to that perspective and try to carry it into the coming week.

Thanks for stopping by!

My Grumpy Pants Are On Waaaay Too Tight!

Boy, am I grumpy today. Had to control my temper in the grocery store after way too many slooooow people with carts got in my way!

And I know why I'm grumpy--but, *yawn*, it's the same ol', same ol'. And usually, thinking ahead to some sort of ritual provides a welcome distraction--but not right now. Next Monday is Imbolc, the mid-point between winter and spring. I always try and celebrate these moments in some way that helps me reconnect to the Earth, to the changing seasons. So this photo here, with the candles in the snow, reminds me that the light is returning soon.

But not even this is taking my mind off work, money, relationships, health--you name it!
Arrrgh! Grrrowl!

My Grumpy Pants Are On Waaaay Too Tight!

Boy, am I grumpy today. Had to control my temper in the grocery store after way too many slooooow people with carts got in my way!

And I know why I'm grumpy--but, *yawn*, it's the same ol', same ol'. And usually, thinking ahead to some sort of ritual provides a welcome distraction--but not right now. Next Monday is Imbolc, the mid-point between winter and spring. I always try and celebrate these moments in some way that helps me reconnect to the Earth, to the changing seasons. So this photo here, with the candles in the snow, reminds me that the light is returning soon.

But not even this is taking my mind off work, money, relationships, health--you name it!
Arrrgh! Grrrowl!

Ministry, Maintenance and Makeovers

In case you haven't noticed, I haven't posted much lately. It's all too tedious to go into, but I have been busy with other things.

Rev. Riverwolf hasn't officiated at any other weddings, but I did perform a house blessing a few days before Christmas. It went really well, the family was super-nice, and we ended with homemade chilli and champagne! I am so enjoying this ritual work, and it's becoming a wonderful source of joy in my life.

At home, I've set up what you might call altars, although I don't like that word since I'm not worshipping anything. They're more like photos really, representing the 4 elements and 4 cardinal directions. I need to add a few more touches for South/Fire and North/Air, but they're helpful daily reminders of my connections to the natural world and my place in it. Also did some organizing of my space where I keep all my ritual tools and objects. It feels much more energized now--and I really need some sort of name for it, like "chapel," or "temple"--something like that, but it needs to be more intimate and personal. I'm sure there's a word for it out there. Any suggestions? I'm also reading and researching.

On the relationship front, things are improving with my partner. He's made some changes, and I'm making some myself. We're both nicer to each other, we're listening and communicating--and I think I have hope this might work out. Part of me worries it might still be too late, but I guess we'll see. No rush.

Otherwise, trying to see movies and friends, and work is work, blah, blah. Thanks for indulging me!

Ministry, Maintenance and Makeovers

In case you haven't noticed, I haven't posted much lately. It's all too tedious to go into, but I have been busy with other things.

Rev. Riverwolf hasn't officiated at any other weddings, but I did perform a house blessing a few days before Christmas. It went really well, the family was super-nice, and we ended with homemade chilli and champagne! I am so enjoying this ritual work, and it's becoming a wonderful source of joy in my life.

At home, I've set up what you might call altars, although I don't like that word since I'm not worshipping anything. They're more like photos really, representing the 4 elements and 4 cardinal directions. I need to add a few more touches for South/Fire and North/Air, but they're helpful daily reminders of my connections to the natural world and my place in it. Also did some organizing of my space where I keep all my ritual tools and objects. It feels much more energized now--and I really need some sort of name for it, like "chapel," or "temple"--something like that, but it needs to be more intimate and personal. I'm sure there's a word for it out there. Any suggestions? I'm also reading and researching.

On the relationship front, things are improving with my partner. He's made some changes, and I'm making some myself. We're both nicer to each other, we're listening and communicating--and I think I have hope this might work out. Part of me worries it might still be too late, but I guess we'll see. No rush.

Otherwise, trying to see movies and friends, and work is work, blah, blah. Thanks for indulging me!

Thinking of Renewal at Winter Solstice

So 'round we go once again. Today marks the shortest day of the year, when the Northern Hemisphere is positioned such that the least amount of the sun's heat and light reaches us. And then, slowly, the earth orbits the sun so that a little bit more of the sun gets to us each day, until we reach the longest day of the year in Summer 2010. I mark this day because it reminds me that I live on this tiny planet in this great, big, enormous universe--dependent on titled, orbiting planets and blazing stars that are cool enough not to bake us alive but warm enough so we don't freeze solid either. A little farther toward the sun or a little farther out, and that would be our story.

The Winter Solstice is a time for renewal, and this year I hope for renewed personal energy. I just don't have much enthusiasm--or patience!--for anything. And I also wish for a renewal of my relationship with my partner--meaning, that if anything is going to happen, if it's going to last, if it's worth saving, then now is the time. I may be crazy, but I still hope. He and I have enjoyed a good couple of days together, and that's made this season more special. We're working on renewal--and with that in mind, I'll share a short reading that i used in the solstice ceremony which we did together earlier this evening.

"Snow and ice have cooled our minds, 

Cold winds have blown away our fertile thoughts, 

Silent night have stilled our tongues. 

Like the bear, the fox and the toad,

Our creativity hibernates without the warmth of the sun.

Come to us now, Inspiration, as the sun returns!

As the sun grows in strength,

So may the fire in our hearts!" 

Happy Solstice everyone! Here's to renewal.

Thinking of Renewal at Winter Solstice

So 'round we go once again. Today marks the shortest day of the year, when the Northern Hemisphere is positioned such that the least amount of the sun's heat and light reaches us. And then, slowly, the earth orbits the sun so that a little bit more of the sun gets to us each day, until we reach the longest day of the year in Summer 2010. I mark this day because it reminds me that I live on this tiny planet in this great, big, enormous universe--dependent on titled, orbiting planets and blazing stars that are cool enough not to bake us alive but warm enough so we don't freeze solid either. A little farther toward the sun or a little farther out, and that would be our story.

The Winter Solstice is a time for renewal, and this year I hope for renewed personal energy. I just don't have much enthusiasm--or patience!--for anything. And I also wish for a renewal of my relationship with my partner--meaning, that if anything is going to happen, if it's going to last, if it's worth saving, then now is the time. I may be crazy, but I still hope. He and I have enjoyed a good couple of days together, and that's made this season more special. We're working on renewal--and with that in mind, I'll share a short reading that i used in the solstice ceremony which we did together earlier this evening.

"Snow and ice have cooled our minds, 

Cold winds have blown away our fertile thoughts, 

Silent night have stilled our tongues. 

Like the bear, the fox and the toad,

Our creativity hibernates without the warmth of the sun.

Come to us now, Inspiration, as the sun returns!

As the sun grows in strength,

So may the fire in our hearts!" 

Happy Solstice everyone! Here's to renewal.

More Cherokee and a Poem

If the Universe (or whatever you call it) repeatedly sends things your way, I suppose it means, "Pay attention!" Right? This past weekend, I heard about and attended a short--and FREE!--teaching circle given by a Cherokee man in a nearby town. Even though I live not far from ancestral Cherokee land, we don't get that many here in the big city. You may remember that, back in September, I actually went to Cherokee, NC, and attended a workshop there. (Didn't blog much about it, but maybe it's better that way.)

So, again, Cherokee stuff. I was curious to compare what this man said with the teachings I received in September. Well, their teachings both had in common the same tone--and I'm still digesting everything I heard. Having now listened to 2 different Cherokee teachers, they were both very indirect, just offering what they had and letting it help whomever it was designed to help. (What--no Powerpoints?) So I don't have much to say except that I'm keeping it mainly to myself. I'm feeling more and more that some spiritual teachings aren't meant to be shared right away. I did enjoy the ritual as well as the drumming and the short "dreaming" that the teacher led (what I would call my shamanic journey or meditation).

The second repetition was this: The teacher read a poem by Oriah Mountain Dreamer, a Canadian woman (not of Native descent) who is a writer and storyteller. The poem is titled "The Invitation," and I first discovered just a few months ago while researching readings for one of the weddings. When I first read it, I cried because it expressed so well many of the emotions I felt for my partner. With all the changes that we've been through, things will never be the same for us--even if we do reunite. This poem said so many of the things I longed to say but didn't know how. So I sent him a copy. And then this Cherokee man reads it this past Friday to start our teaching circle--and my partner was with me! I asked him about the poem, what he thought of it. He's a man of few words now; he said he liked it but that he would have to ask me more about it later. And that's his way, which is fine. Spirit moved me to send it, so I did.

Thought I'd reprint it here. "The Invitation":

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for,
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love,
for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow,
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals,
or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain,
mine or your own,
without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy,
mine or your own,
if you can dance with wildness, and let the ecstasy fill you 

to the tips of your fingers and toes,
without cautioning us to be careful,
to be realistic, 

to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty, every day.
And if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure,
yours and mine,
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair,
weary and bruised to the bone,
and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you from the inside,
when all else falls away.

I want to knowif you can be alone with yourself,
and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

More Cherokee and a Poem

If the Universe (or whatever you call it) repeatedly sends things your way, I suppose it means, "Pay attention!" Right? This past weekend, I heard about and attended a short--and FREE!--teaching circle given by a Cherokee man in a nearby town. Even though I live not far from ancestral Cherokee land, we don't get that many here in the big city. You may remember that, back in September, I actually went to Cherokee, NC, and attended a workshop there. (Didn't blog much about it, but maybe it's better that way.)

So, again, Cherokee stuff. I was curious to compare what this man said with the teachings I received in September. Well, their teachings both had in common the same tone--and I'm still digesting everything I heard. Having now listened to 2 different Cherokee teachers, they were both very indirect, just offering what they had and letting it help whomever it was designed to help. (What--no Powerpoints?) So I don't have much to say except that I'm keeping it mainly to myself. I'm feeling more and more that some spiritual teachings aren't meant to be shared right away. I did enjoy the ritual as well as the drumming and the short "dreaming" that the teacher led (what I would call my shamanic journey or meditation).

The second repetition was this: The teacher read a poem by Oriah Mountain Dreamer, a Canadian woman (not of Native descent) who is a writer and storyteller. The poem is titled "The Invitation," and I first discovered just a few months ago while researching readings for one of the weddings. When I first read it, I cried because it expressed so well many of the emotions I felt for my partner. With all the changes that we've been through, things will never be the same for us--even if we do reunite. This poem said so many of the things I longed to say but didn't know how. So I sent him a copy. And then this Cherokee man reads it this past Friday to start our teaching circle--and my partner was with me! I asked him about the poem, what he thought of it. He's a man of few words now; he said he liked it but that he would have to ask me more about it later. And that's his way, which is fine. Spirit moved me to send it, so I did.

Thought I'd reprint it here. "The Invitation":

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for,
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love,
for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow,
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals,
or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain,
mine or your own,
without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy,
mine or your own,
if you can dance with wildness, and let the ecstasy fill you 

to the tips of your fingers and toes,
without cautioning us to be careful,
to be realistic, 

to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty, every day.
And if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure,
yours and mine,
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair,
weary and bruised to the bone,
and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you from the inside,
when all else falls away.

I want to knowif you can be alone with yourself,
and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

Reflections on a Simple Alban Elfed

Ready or not, fall/autumn is here, and the equinox occurred yesterday evening, that time that only happens twice a year when the amounts of sunlight and darkness are equal. (Well, National Geographic says that isn't exactly true, but I'll let the wonks sort it out.) I love fall, usually, but I'm dreading it this year because that mean's winter isn't far away. I don't always do well without enough sunlight and warmth in my days, and now that my partner and I have split up, the seasonal changes are filling me with apprehension.

No surprise, I really didn't want to conduct any kind of ritual for the equinox/Mabon, or Alban Elfed in the Celtic tradition. But I needed to do it for my spiritual health. It's been very difficult lately for me to keep up my spiritual practices. I guess I just feel a little empty at the moment. But now's the time when it's most important, of course. I need to maintain that connection to the natural world, to the everyday changes that occur around us. It helps me to remember that change is part of our lives. Things begin and things end. Nature teaches us that nothing can ever remain the same.

My ritual today was simple, and I didn't even take a photo to share. Just a single candle and me seated on the floor. I did add a bowl of water to symbolize emotions and relationships (oh how they do change!).

Balance
As I meditated on the balance of dark and light on the equinox, I began to wonder: Is balance in anything really possible? The equinox itself is only a passing moment, and then the days grow darker, only to come into balance again in the spring; but that lasts only a moment as well. So much is written and said about maintaining balance in our lives, but it's ever elusive. Just when you think you have it, it's gone. And off you go again in search of balance. Maybe it's overrated!!

Change

As the seasons change, we have an opportunity to reflect on change in our lives. Obviously, I've been through a big change recently after leaving my partner. But where do we go from here? Even though I've moved out, I still talk to him: I have mail to collect, personal items still in the house, and we need to paint the bathrooms in preparation to put the house up for sale. Most perplexing, he's actually beginning to show more affection and treat me as I had wanted to be treated all along. And as far as I know, he's stopped drinking altogether. Maybe there's a chance yet. But the lesson is that things have changed, regardless of whether we remain apart or get back together. If we do reconcile, the dynamic of our relationship and our expectations will have to evolve--otherwise, we'll be operating from a perspective that has already shifted out from under us.

Harvest

It's also a time to reflect on what the seeds we've planted in our lives have produced. I'm disappointed that some of my writing projects and goals haven't been met, but then I did get ordained as an interfaith minister this year--and I have 2 weddings planned for October. That's been a wonderful surprise!

I don't know if any of you out there might also be dreading the approach of winter, too. But my ritual reminded me that even winter will pass eventually. We cannot stop any of it, not the change in seasons nor changes in our personal lives. I say this to myself as much as to anyone else who is reading: Hang on. Relax. This, too, shall pass in time.

Reflections on a Simple Alban Elfed

Ready or not, fall/autumn is here, and the equinox occurred yesterday evening, that time that only happens twice a year when the amounts of sunlight and darkness are equal. (Well, National Geographic says that isn't exactly true, but I'll let the wonks sort it out.) I love fall, usually, but I'm dreading it this year because that mean's winter isn't far away. I don't always do well without enough sunlight and warmth in my days, and now that my partner and I have split up, the seasonal changes are filling me with apprehension.

No surprise, I really didn't want to conduct any kind of ritual for the equinox/Mabon, or Alban Elfed in the Celtic tradition. But I needed to do it for my spiritual health. It's been very difficult lately for me to keep up my spiritual practices. I guess I just feel a little empty at the moment. But now's the time when it's most important, of course. I need to maintain that connection to the natural world, to the everyday changes that occur around us. It helps me to remember that change is part of our lives. Things begin and things end. Nature teaches us that nothing can ever remain the same.

My ritual today was simple, and I didn't even take a photo to share. Just a single candle and me seated on the floor. I did add a bowl of water to symbolize emotions and relationships (oh how they do change!).

Balance
As I meditated on the balance of dark and light on the equinox, I began to wonder: Is balance in anything really possible? The equinox itself is only a passing moment, and then the days grow darker, only to come into balance again in the spring; but that lasts only a moment as well. So much is written and said about maintaining balance in our lives, but it's ever elusive. Just when you think you have it, it's gone. And off you go again in search of balance. Maybe it's overrated!!

Change

As the seasons change, we have an opportunity to reflect on change in our lives. Obviously, I've been through a big change recently after leaving my partner. But where do we go from here? Even though I've moved out, I still talk to him: I have mail to collect, personal items still in the house, and we need to paint the bathrooms in preparation to put the house up for sale. Most perplexing, he's actually beginning to show more affection and treat me as I had wanted to be treated all along. And as far as I know, he's stopped drinking altogether. Maybe there's a chance yet. But the lesson is that things have changed, regardless of whether we remain apart or get back together. If we do reconcile, the dynamic of our relationship and our expectations will have to evolve--otherwise, we'll be operating from a perspective that has already shifted out from under us.

Harvest

It's also a time to reflect on what the seeds we've planted in our lives have produced. I'm disappointed that some of my writing projects and goals haven't been met, but then I did get ordained as an interfaith minister this year--and I have 2 weddings planned for October. That's been a wonderful surprise!

I don't know if any of you out there might also be dreading the approach of winter, too. But my ritual reminded me that even winter will pass eventually. We cannot stop any of it, not the change in seasons nor changes in our personal lives. I say this to myself as much as to anyone else who is reading: Hang on. Relax. This, too, shall pass in time.

Wedding #2 is Set!

Wow, this minister thing is taking off! I have 1 wedding to conduct on Samhain/Halloween, and now I have another on 10/17! Lots to do, but I'm really enjoying this so far, coming up with ideas for the brides. I couldn't have more different weddings to conduct. One is a big ol' pagan wedding, complete with casting sacred circles, blowing conch horns, ringing bells and such. The other is very simple with no mention of anything religious/spiritual at all--and maybe not even any music. Hmmm, I may have to hum something to liven it up! 

Wish me luck and lots of cool/calm nerves!

Wedding #2 is Set!

Wow, this minister thing is taking off! I have 1 wedding to conduct on Samhain/Halloween, and now I have another on 10/17! Lots to do, but I'm really enjoying this so far, coming up with ideas for the brides. I couldn't have more different weddings to conduct. One is a big ol' pagan wedding, complete with casting sacred circles, blowing conch horns, ringing bells and such. The other is very simple with no mention of anything religious/spiritual at all--and maybe not even any music. Hmmm, I may have to hum something to liven it up! 

Wish me luck and lots of cool/calm nerves!

A Blessing ... and a Curse?

Yesterday I had a friend stop by my new apartment to offer a ritual blessing. I thought it was best to bless it before all the furniture and clutter arrived; don't know why, just felt that way. He's one of the guys who completed the Shamanic Mystery School with me, and each time I would think about the blessing in my mind, I kept seeing him offering it. It was really simple, just going through each room with all doors and cabinets open, as he toned with a Tibetan bell. Very nice sound and feel. I also needed to interview him for this project I'm working on, so 2 birds with 1 stone.

Now to the "curse" part, and please take this tongue-in-cheek. No REAL curses here. Well, I just think maybe my relationship to my partner is cursed--as in poison, toxic. The thought of actually packing and moving furniture, clothes, books and feels like more than I can handle. My gut is all in knots and I can't stop bawling my eyes out. I suppose this was stupid, what I did next, but last night I turned to my partner in a vulnerable moment, just for a hug. We started to talk, but then I guess I said something that I shouldn't have, something that was honest but stupid. Naturally, that hurt his feelings. So then he said something, something that was also honest and true--but I took it as a slap in the face. And the moment was ruined.

At least the tears dried up fast! I sat there thinking we're completely toxic for each other right now. We can't seem to talk or do anything without hurting or taking advantage of the other. And even the love we feel for one another is suffocating and controlling, on both sides. Of course, this is just my perspective, and frankly, I don't trust myself anymore. And when you hear someone say, "I love you," and you don't even know how to respond, that love has become a curse.

A Blessing ... and a Curse?

Yesterday I had a friend stop by my new apartment to offer a ritual blessing. I thought it was best to bless it before all the furniture and clutter arrived; don't know why, just felt that way. He's one of the guys who completed the Shamanic Mystery School with me, and each time I would think about the blessing in my mind, I kept seeing him offering it. It was really simple, just going through each room with all doors and cabinets open, as he toned with a Tibetan bell. Very nice sound and feel. I also needed to interview him for this project I'm working on, so 2 birds with 1 stone.

Now to the "curse" part, and please take this tongue-in-cheek. No REAL curses here. Well, I just think maybe my relationship to my partner is cursed--as in poison, toxic. The thought of actually packing and moving furniture, clothes, books and feels like more than I can handle. My gut is all in knots and I can't stop bawling my eyes out. I suppose this was stupid, what I did next, but last night I turned to my partner in a vulnerable moment, just for a hug. We started to talk, but then I guess I said something that I shouldn't have, something that was honest but stupid. Naturally, that hurt his feelings. So then he said something, something that was also honest and true--but I took it as a slap in the face. And the moment was ruined.

At least the tears dried up fast! I sat there thinking we're completely toxic for each other right now. We can't seem to talk or do anything without hurting or taking advantage of the other. And even the love we feel for one another is suffocating and controlling, on both sides. Of course, this is just my perspective, and frankly, I don't trust myself anymore. And when you hear someone say, "I love you," and you don't even know how to respond, that love has become a curse.