Post-Thanksgiving Thankfulness

Because of the recent split with my partner, I was dreading the Thanksgiving holiday. However, things turned out well, in spite of all my worrying and fretting. My partner and I traditionally cook for my family--and he offered to do so again this year. I talked this over with some friends, and everyone said, "It's only lunch." Our counselor also suggested that, if we're serious about working on our relationship, we need to spend as much time together, especially during the holidays.

Well, Thanksgiving was great--good food, and no one had to get smacked with a drumstick! Also, the night before, I bought tickets for me and my partner to see the Trans-Siberian Orchestra in concert. Wow--way cool! Loved their Christmas show--and I think it made the heart in this ol' Grinchy Claus grow a whole 2 sizes that day!

Also managed to get in some leisurely, refreshing walks, a great motorcycle ride earlier today--and finished stripping wallpaper from one of the bathrooms. So much to be thankful for: good food, close friends and family, health, freedom to spend time as I choose, great fall weather, music and so on. There is still much in my life that is uncertain, but I can see that despite the uncertainty, I still have much for which to be thankful. I hope your holiday was as refreshing.

Post-Thanksgiving Thankfulness

Because of the recent split with my partner, I was dreading the Thanksgiving holiday. However, things turned out well, in spite of all my worrying and fretting. My partner and I traditionally cook for my family--and he offered to do so again this year. I talked this over with some friends, and everyone said, "It's only lunch." Our counselor also suggested that, if we're serious about working on our relationship, we need to spend as much time together, especially during the holidays.

Well, Thanksgiving was great--good food, and no one had to get smacked with a drumstick! Also, the night before, I bought tickets for me and my partner to see the Trans-Siberian Orchestra in concert. Wow--way cool! Loved their Christmas show--and I think it made the heart in this ol' Grinchy Claus grow a whole 2 sizes that day!

Also managed to get in some leisurely, refreshing walks, a great motorcycle ride earlier today--and finished stripping wallpaper from one of the bathrooms. So much to be thankful for: good food, close friends and family, health, freedom to spend time as I choose, great fall weather, music and so on. There is still much in my life that is uncertain, but I can see that despite the uncertainty, I still have much for which to be thankful. I hope your holiday was as refreshing.

Which "Twilight" Guy Is YOUR Favorite?

Ok, time for something totally fun and distracting! Which "Twilight" star do you think is the cutest? Now, I'm very specific on this--even though I haven't read the books nor seen any of the films (I know--way behind the times). I'll say right off that I don't think star Robert Pattinson is good-looking AT ALL! That's right, I've said it. His "Twilight" character may be something else entirely, but off-set, he has this not-so-bright expression, looks vaguely indigent and his teeth are oddly shaped.

But that's just me. Taylor Lautner is sexy, sure--but his nose reminds me of a pug, and everything else about his face is all squished together. But then there's Mr. Kellan Lutz--swoon--who gets barely any press but totally makes me weak in the knees.!

So, who does it for you? Leave your comments below.

Robert Pattinson, who plays lead vampire Edward?

Taylor Lautner, who plays Jacob the werewolf?

Or Kellan Lutz, who I WISH could be my adopted brother/vampire!

Which "Twilight" Guy Is YOUR Favorite?

Ok, time for something totally fun and distracting! Which "Twilight" star do you think is the cutest? Now, I'm very specific on this--even though I haven't read the books nor seen any of the films (I know--way behind the times). I'll say right off that I don't think star Robert Pattinson is good-looking AT ALL! That's right, I've said it. His "Twilight" character may be something else entirely, but off-set, he has this not-so-bright expression, looks vaguely indigent and his teeth are oddly shaped.

But that's just me. Taylor Lautner is sexy, sure--but his nose reminds me of a pug, and everything else about his face is all squished together. But then there's Mr. Kellan Lutz--swoon--who gets barely any press but totally makes me weak in the knees.!

So, who does it for you? Leave your comments below.

Robert Pattinson, who plays lead vampire Edward?

Taylor Lautner, who plays Jacob the werewolf?

Or Kellan Lutz, who I WISH could be my adopted brother/vampire!

More Cherokee and a Poem

If the Universe (or whatever you call it) repeatedly sends things your way, I suppose it means, "Pay attention!" Right? This past weekend, I heard about and attended a short--and FREE!--teaching circle given by a Cherokee man in a nearby town. Even though I live not far from ancestral Cherokee land, we don't get that many here in the big city. You may remember that, back in September, I actually went to Cherokee, NC, and attended a workshop there. (Didn't blog much about it, but maybe it's better that way.)

So, again, Cherokee stuff. I was curious to compare what this man said with the teachings I received in September. Well, their teachings both had in common the same tone--and I'm still digesting everything I heard. Having now listened to 2 different Cherokee teachers, they were both very indirect, just offering what they had and letting it help whomever it was designed to help. (What--no Powerpoints?) So I don't have much to say except that I'm keeping it mainly to myself. I'm feeling more and more that some spiritual teachings aren't meant to be shared right away. I did enjoy the ritual as well as the drumming and the short "dreaming" that the teacher led (what I would call my shamanic journey or meditation).

The second repetition was this: The teacher read a poem by Oriah Mountain Dreamer, a Canadian woman (not of Native descent) who is a writer and storyteller. The poem is titled "The Invitation," and I first discovered just a few months ago while researching readings for one of the weddings. When I first read it, I cried because it expressed so well many of the emotions I felt for my partner. With all the changes that we've been through, things will never be the same for us--even if we do reunite. This poem said so many of the things I longed to say but didn't know how. So I sent him a copy. And then this Cherokee man reads it this past Friday to start our teaching circle--and my partner was with me! I asked him about the poem, what he thought of it. He's a man of few words now; he said he liked it but that he would have to ask me more about it later. And that's his way, which is fine. Spirit moved me to send it, so I did.

Thought I'd reprint it here. "The Invitation":

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for,
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love,
for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow,
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals,
or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain,
mine or your own,
without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy,
mine or your own,
if you can dance with wildness, and let the ecstasy fill you 

to the tips of your fingers and toes,
without cautioning us to be careful,
to be realistic, 

to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty, every day.
And if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure,
yours and mine,
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair,
weary and bruised to the bone,
and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you from the inside,
when all else falls away.

I want to knowif you can be alone with yourself,
and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

More Cherokee and a Poem

If the Universe (or whatever you call it) repeatedly sends things your way, I suppose it means, "Pay attention!" Right? This past weekend, I heard about and attended a short--and FREE!--teaching circle given by a Cherokee man in a nearby town. Even though I live not far from ancestral Cherokee land, we don't get that many here in the big city. You may remember that, back in September, I actually went to Cherokee, NC, and attended a workshop there. (Didn't blog much about it, but maybe it's better that way.)

So, again, Cherokee stuff. I was curious to compare what this man said with the teachings I received in September. Well, their teachings both had in common the same tone--and I'm still digesting everything I heard. Having now listened to 2 different Cherokee teachers, they were both very indirect, just offering what they had and letting it help whomever it was designed to help. (What--no Powerpoints?) So I don't have much to say except that I'm keeping it mainly to myself. I'm feeling more and more that some spiritual teachings aren't meant to be shared right away. I did enjoy the ritual as well as the drumming and the short "dreaming" that the teacher led (what I would call my shamanic journey or meditation).

The second repetition was this: The teacher read a poem by Oriah Mountain Dreamer, a Canadian woman (not of Native descent) who is a writer and storyteller. The poem is titled "The Invitation," and I first discovered just a few months ago while researching readings for one of the weddings. When I first read it, I cried because it expressed so well many of the emotions I felt for my partner. With all the changes that we've been through, things will never be the same for us--even if we do reunite. This poem said so many of the things I longed to say but didn't know how. So I sent him a copy. And then this Cherokee man reads it this past Friday to start our teaching circle--and my partner was with me! I asked him about the poem, what he thought of it. He's a man of few words now; he said he liked it but that he would have to ask me more about it later. And that's his way, which is fine. Spirit moved me to send it, so I did.

Thought I'd reprint it here. "The Invitation":

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for,
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love,
for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow,
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals,
or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain,
mine or your own,
without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy,
mine or your own,
if you can dance with wildness, and let the ecstasy fill you 

to the tips of your fingers and toes,
without cautioning us to be careful,
to be realistic, 

to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty, every day.
And if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure,
yours and mine,
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair,
weary and bruised to the bone,
and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you from the inside,
when all else falls away.

I want to knowif you can be alone with yourself,
and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

Friday Night's Dream

Friday night's dream really stood out to me for some reason. I saw both a black dog and a black panther, and when animals appear in my dreams, I pay attention. That's how I became "Riverwolf" a few years ago. I've decided not to interpret the dream here. Instead I'll merely describe what happened, and then note some possible meanings taken from Ted Andrews' "Animal Speak" (a favorite).

The dream itself was short. I walked into my home, and a big black dog came (resembled this one above) out to greet me. It was friendly, and I was surprised because I don't have a dog, and so I wondered how it got inside. But I was pleasantly surprised to see the dog. It wagged its tail and sat on the floor and was excited to see me. But then I realized I really didn't want this dog in my home, so I opened the back door and tried to make it leave. That's when the dog morphed into a black panther! Its ears went flat and it growled a bit, letting me know that it didn't want to leave. I backed off, with the feeling that I would have to deal with this animal a bit differently. I remained calm--and that was it! Dream over.

Dogs
So, in Andrews' book, dogs symbolize faithfulness and protection. In some cultures, they also symbolize motherhood or are guardians of the dead. Andrews notes that it takes a lot to break a dog's loving spirit, even when it is abused. Its willingness to be a companion is great. He suggests asking questions such as: What does this say about your need for or lack of companionship? Are you showing unconditional love or receiving it? Do you need to be more protective of your territory? Do you need to play a little more?

Panthers
There's a lot on panthers, particularly black ones. In general, they symbolize reclaiming one's own power, and black panthers have a lunar and a feminine significance. Their arrival initiates a time of awakened sensuality and passion. These cats also symbolize darkness, death and rebirth, helping us to understand the powers inherent in each of these stages, thereby eliminating our fears. Panthers bring guardian energy. It may imply that an old issue (particularly sexual ones) may finally be resolved or healed. Panthers symbolize moving from mere poles of existence to a new life without poles or barriers; unconscious urges and abilities are awakened. They also mark a time of emerging from a heroic test of suffering, wandering or destruction. They also signal it's time to confront areas of our lives that have been "painted over." The theme of reclaiming one's own power continues, as panther tells us we'll recover our power from whatever has hidden it in our lives, and it will be replaced with something greater, stronger and more beneficial. The panther symbolizes mastery over all dimensions. A new turn is coming in our path, an opportunity to go beyond what has been imagined through discipline and control. The spirit of imminent rebirth.

So wow--lot's to think about! Anyone care to interpret??

Friday Night's Dream

Friday night's dream really stood out to me for some reason. I saw both a black dog and a black panther, and when animals appear in my dreams, I pay attention. That's how I became "Riverwolf" a few years ago. I've decided not to interpret the dream here. Instead I'll merely describe what happened, and then note some possible meanings taken from Ted Andrews' "Animal Speak" (a favorite).

The dream itself was short. I walked into my home, and a big black dog came (resembled this one above) out to greet me. It was friendly, and I was surprised because I don't have a dog, and so I wondered how it got inside. But I was pleasantly surprised to see the dog. It wagged its tail and sat on the floor and was excited to see me. But then I realized I really didn't want this dog in my home, so I opened the back door and tried to make it leave. That's when the dog morphed into a black panther! Its ears went flat and it growled a bit, letting me know that it didn't want to leave. I backed off, with the feeling that I would have to deal with this animal a bit differently. I remained calm--and that was it! Dream over.

Dogs
So, in Andrews' book, dogs symbolize faithfulness and protection. In some cultures, they also symbolize motherhood or are guardians of the dead. Andrews notes that it takes a lot to break a dog's loving spirit, even when it is abused. Its willingness to be a companion is great. He suggests asking questions such as: What does this say about your need for or lack of companionship? Are you showing unconditional love or receiving it? Do you need to be more protective of your territory? Do you need to play a little more?

Panthers
There's a lot on panthers, particularly black ones. In general, they symbolize reclaiming one's own power, and black panthers have a lunar and a feminine significance. Their arrival initiates a time of awakened sensuality and passion. These cats also symbolize darkness, death and rebirth, helping us to understand the powers inherent in each of these stages, thereby eliminating our fears. Panthers bring guardian energy. It may imply that an old issue (particularly sexual ones) may finally be resolved or healed. Panthers symbolize moving from mere poles of existence to a new life without poles or barriers; unconscious urges and abilities are awakened. They also mark a time of emerging from a heroic test of suffering, wandering or destruction. They also signal it's time to confront areas of our lives that have been "painted over." The theme of reclaiming one's own power continues, as panther tells us we'll recover our power from whatever has hidden it in our lives, and it will be replaced with something greater, stronger and more beneficial. The panther symbolizes mastery over all dimensions. A new turn is coming in our path, an opportunity to go beyond what has been imagined through discipline and control. The spirit of imminent rebirth.

So wow--lot's to think about! Anyone care to interpret??

Lessons of the Lotus

I love to ponder why certain images or themes continue to pop up in various places and situations. Like the lotus flower, above. I've never seen a real one, but if you pause long enough, you can find lotus flowers everywhere, in art, architecture and literature. And they're a sacred symbol in many religions: Buddhism, ancient Egypt, Hinduism, Brahmanism, Zorastrianism and even ancient Mayan beliefs. Why is this?

If that all seems musty and dusty, consider that one of the most expensive cars you can buy today is called Lotus. A car and a flower are very different things, but obviously, someone in a marketing department somewhere thought that the symbolism long associated with the lotus would appeal to a certain elite clientele who could afford rare, luxury cars.

And here's a beautiful example of lotus symbolism in architecture, a Bahai temple located in India.

Across various cultures, the lotus symbolizes the best human ideals and concepts: purity, enlightenment, the human heart, the sun, creation, divine birth or rebirth, knowledge and cosmic harmony.

Again, why is this? I'm fixated on the lotus because of the daily meditation that I've been doing. It's a Buddhist meditation or chant called simply "Jewel in the Lotus Flower." The 6 syllables--"om, mani, padme, hum"--are rich with spiritual symbolism. As I understand it, this chant can assist in transforming our individual essence into a more enlightened state--that of the Buddha nature. The lotus is the perfect symbol because it grows under murky water but eventually reveals a beautiful, delicate flower. The opening bloom represents the opening of our Buddha nature as it flowers. That bright center of the flower is considered the "jewel" and represents our individual spiritual potential.

Well, I have a long way to go before I get all flowery and enlightened! Being the skeptic that I am, I don't know if this chant will do anything for me--but the romantic in me recognizes the beauty and purity embedded therein. There are certainly worse things for which to strive. And it helps me to think that the murkiness in which I currently find myself might one day subside to reveal something of beauty and light.

I read somewhere that "om, mani, padme, hum" can be translated as "I am in you and you are in me," revealing how interconnected we all are--whether we realize it or not. And not just us as individuals--but how we are connected to the plants and animals, the stars and comets, and how they are connected to us. This continues to be important for me to realize and integrate into my daily life.

So pay attention to nature. It has lots to teach us.

Check here to read more about lotus symbolism.

Lessons of the Lotus

I love to ponder why certain images or themes continue to pop up in various places and situations. Like the lotus flower, above. I've never seen a real one, but if you pause long enough, you can find lotus flowers everywhere, in art, architecture and literature. And they're a sacred symbol in many religions: Buddhism, ancient Egypt, Hinduism, Brahmanism, Zorastrianism and even ancient Mayan beliefs. Why is this?

If that all seems musty and dusty, consider that one of the most expensive cars you can buy today is called Lotus. A car and a flower are very different things, but obviously, someone in a marketing department somewhere thought that the symbolism long associated with the lotus would appeal to a certain elite clientele who could afford rare, luxury cars.

And here's a beautiful example of lotus symbolism in architecture, a Bahai temple located in India.

Across various cultures, the lotus symbolizes the best human ideals and concepts: purity, enlightenment, the human heart, the sun, creation, divine birth or rebirth, knowledge and cosmic harmony.

Again, why is this? I'm fixated on the lotus because of the daily meditation that I've been doing. It's a Buddhist meditation or chant called simply "Jewel in the Lotus Flower." The 6 syllables--"om, mani, padme, hum"--are rich with spiritual symbolism. As I understand it, this chant can assist in transforming our individual essence into a more enlightened state--that of the Buddha nature. The lotus is the perfect symbol because it grows under murky water but eventually reveals a beautiful, delicate flower. The opening bloom represents the opening of our Buddha nature as it flowers. That bright center of the flower is considered the "jewel" and represents our individual spiritual potential.

Well, I have a long way to go before I get all flowery and enlightened! Being the skeptic that I am, I don't know if this chant will do anything for me--but the romantic in me recognizes the beauty and purity embedded therein. There are certainly worse things for which to strive. And it helps me to think that the murkiness in which I currently find myself might one day subside to reveal something of beauty and light.

I read somewhere that "om, mani, padme, hum" can be translated as "I am in you and you are in me," revealing how interconnected we all are--whether we realize it or not. And not just us as individuals--but how we are connected to the plants and animals, the stars and comets, and how they are connected to us. This continues to be important for me to realize and integrate into my daily life.

So pay attention to nature. It has lots to teach us.

Check here to read more about lotus symbolism.

Hump Day Humdrums

Maybe writing will help me work out some things today and keep me from descending any further into self pity (not a pretty thing).

Couples therapy is actually going well with my partner, and today I was really missing him--even though I saw him last night, and we have plans to have dinner Friday night. But everything seems so difficult. Allow me to elaborate:

1. Money is scarce, and there are some small things I'd like to do around my apartment to make it feel more like home, but I feel I can't spend the money. Every decision feels like I'm weighing whether to eat or pay the rent. I actually helped my sister out--which I suppose I should be thankful that I was able to do--and I'm still waiting to get paid for my last wedding. Even the counseling, which has been so helpful, is costing more than I feel I can afford.

2. My energy level is at an all-time low. I'm not walking in the mornings, although I am doing short meditations. I'm not attending any of my other regular exercise classes either--and I'm starting to feel it! I'd rather just come home, get into my robe and chill with some DVDs. Working is difficult (except for my ministerial work, fortunately), and it's a challenge to get out of the bed every day and focus on the tasks at hand.

3. Emotions are volatile, unpredictable. One minute I'm feeling positive and upbeat, the next I'm crying my eyes out. Which is not normal for me. One minute I want to see friends, and the next I want to be left alone. Then, one moment I'll feel like my partner and I will be reunited, and the next I never want to see him again.

4. Spiritually, I'm feeling good, but I feel like I could be doing more. Reading and meditating more, for example, or getting outdoors. I'm probably being too hard on myself, but I feel like this time I now have is precious, and I don't want to squander it. At times, everything I'm going through seems to make sense and have a purpose on some level--and at other times I feel like a complete loony fool.

I'm just a great big ball of anxiety and insecurity! I'm so ready to emerge from all this, to feel energized again, engaged with the world again. Is that too much to ask?

So, how was your day?

Hump Day Humdrums

Maybe writing will help me work out some things today and keep me from descending any further into self pity (not a pretty thing).

Couples therapy is actually going well with my partner, and today I was really missing him--even though I saw him last night, and we have plans to have dinner Friday night. But everything seems so difficult. Allow me to elaborate:

1. Money is scarce, and there are some small things I'd like to do around my apartment to make it feel more like home, but I feel I can't spend the money. Every decision feels like I'm weighing whether to eat or pay the rent. I actually helped my sister out--which I suppose I should be thankful that I was able to do--and I'm still waiting to get paid for my last wedding. Even the counseling, which has been so helpful, is costing more than I feel I can afford.

2. My energy level is at an all-time low. I'm not walking in the mornings, although I am doing short meditations. I'm not attending any of my other regular exercise classes either--and I'm starting to feel it! I'd rather just come home, get into my robe and chill with some DVDs. Working is difficult (except for my ministerial work, fortunately), and it's a challenge to get out of the bed every day and focus on the tasks at hand.

3. Emotions are volatile, unpredictable. One minute I'm feeling positive and upbeat, the next I'm crying my eyes out. Which is not normal for me. One minute I want to see friends, and the next I want to be left alone. Then, one moment I'll feel like my partner and I will be reunited, and the next I never want to see him again.

4. Spiritually, I'm feeling good, but I feel like I could be doing more. Reading and meditating more, for example, or getting outdoors. I'm probably being too hard on myself, but I feel like this time I now have is precious, and I don't want to squander it. At times, everything I'm going through seems to make sense and have a purpose on some level--and at other times I feel like a complete loony fool.

I'm just a great big ball of anxiety and insecurity! I'm so ready to emerge from all this, to feel energized again, engaged with the world again. Is that too much to ask?

So, how was your day?

All this "New Age" Stuff Isn't Just Hooey--That, or my Therapist Is Bribing Someone

Healthy skepticism is always good--but sometimes you just gotta believe! Feeling low and needing clarity, I decided to book an appointment to have my chakras balanced. The idea is that your personal energy centers can get out of whack, revealing areas you need to work on. A perfect balance is the ideal, but you gotta work on it to get there. I may be skeptical but I figure if it helps in some way, what's the harm?

Well, I'm a believer now. Yesterday I was lying on the table with 2 people working on my chakras, thinking "this is silly." Afterwards, however, I was surprised when they nailed all my little idiosyncracies right on their pointy little heads! Mainly, they said my throat chakra was completely blocked and they couldn't open it! Traditionally, that chakra connects to your creativity, your intuition and your ability to "speak your truth"--all areas I seriously need help with.

Earlier that day, I had lunch with friends, and we had discussed this very challenge, of how difficult it is for me to communicate truthfully, to say what I want and so on. After my chakra balancing, that truth sank in a little deeper. It reminded me of the insight I had over a year ago when I was seeing a therapist to help with various issues. That insight was that I'm trying to find my own voice--and I sorely need to do so in order to be happy.

Then today, my partner and I go for our joint counseling session (different therapist). It's only my 2nd time seeing this woman and she tells me plainly that my main challenge/barrier is to not back down in voicing my own opinions and in expressing my own needs and requirements. Um, throat chakra, anyone?

Ok, universe, I get the message!

All this "New Age" Stuff Isn't Just Hooey--That, or my Therapist Is Bribing Someone

Healthy skepticism is always good--but sometimes you just gotta believe! Feeling low and needing clarity, I decided to book an appointment to have my chakras balanced. The idea is that your personal energy centers can get out of whack, revealing areas you need to work on. A perfect balance is the ideal, but you gotta work on it to get there. I may be skeptical but I figure if it helps in some way, what's the harm?

Well, I'm a believer now. Yesterday I was lying on the table with 2 people working on my chakras, thinking "this is silly." Afterwards, however, I was surprised when they nailed all my little idiosyncracies right on their pointy little heads! Mainly, they said my throat chakra was completely blocked and they couldn't open it! Traditionally, that chakra connects to your creativity, your intuition and your ability to "speak your truth"--all areas I seriously need help with.

Earlier that day, I had lunch with friends, and we had discussed this very challenge, of how difficult it is for me to communicate truthfully, to say what I want and so on. After my chakra balancing, that truth sank in a little deeper. It reminded me of the insight I had over a year ago when I was seeing a therapist to help with various issues. That insight was that I'm trying to find my own voice--and I sorely need to do so in order to be happy.

Then today, my partner and I go for our joint counseling session (different therapist). It's only my 2nd time seeing this woman and she tells me plainly that my main challenge/barrier is to not back down in voicing my own opinions and in expressing my own needs and requirements. Um, throat chakra, anyone?

Ok, universe, I get the message!

Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance"

I love this woman! This video is one of the craziest I've seen in a while. I'm sure you could analyze each frame to try and figure out what's going on in Gaga's head. It must take her forever to come up with these videos because there are so many details--it's like she's sending us an encrypted message! And I'm totally hooked.

Great ear- and eye-candy!

Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance"

I love this woman! This video is one of the craziest I've seen in a while. I'm sure you could analyze each frame to try and figure out what's going on in Gaga's head. It must take her forever to come up with these videos because there are so many details--it's like she's sending us an encrypted message! And I'm totally hooked.

Great ear- and eye-candy!

Rethinking the Sabbatical

So yeah, here I am! Don't get too excited, however--I'm not sure where this is leading. I had a bit of an epiphany yesterday, and I realized that I truly need this here blog to help express myself creatively and spiritually. But it's been great to be away and rest.

In my last post, I used "sabbatical" in the title, almost as an afterthought. But it's really the perfect choice--and must've come through my subconscious. Ever since I left my partner and moved into the apartment, I've had a rough time, mostly feeling adrift with a sense of "Now what?" I get so impatient. And I've felt quite a strong pull away from old friends and old routines and toward something more specifically spiritual. So while working on a writing project yesterday, it slowly dawned on me that this period in my life is truly a sort of sabbatical. And if I could just relax and really use it in that way, it could work wonders in my life.

There's much in flux at the moment for me. My partner and I may still reunite, I have no idea where I'll be living in a year, and I am aiming for a new job within that same time frame. But regardless of whether this all comes to pass or not, I'm not there yet. Still a ways to go. So instead of fretting over all that, I need to use my time wisely. It's time to read those books I've been wanting to read, study those topics I've been wanting to study, travel, take chances and try new things, and brush up on my shamanic and magickal skills and practices. I do so like to have everything nailed down, but obviously, the universe has other plans. So I need to breathe and relax into that.

Don't know how this blog will evolve as a result, but stay tuned and, as always, thanks for reading.

Rethinking the Sabbatical

So yeah, here I am! Don't get too excited, however--I'm not sure where this is leading. I had a bit of an epiphany yesterday, and I realized that I truly need this here blog to help express myself creatively and spiritually. But it's been great to be away and rest.

In my last post, I used "sabbatical" in the title, almost as an afterthought. But it's really the perfect choice--and must've come through my subconscious. Ever since I left my partner and moved into the apartment, I've had a rough time, mostly feeling adrift with a sense of "Now what?" I get so impatient. And I've felt quite a strong pull away from old friends and old routines and toward something more specifically spiritual. So while working on a writing project yesterday, it slowly dawned on me that this period in my life is truly a sort of sabbatical. And if I could just relax and really use it in that way, it could work wonders in my life.

There's much in flux at the moment for me. My partner and I may still reunite, I have no idea where I'll be living in a year, and I am aiming for a new job within that same time frame. But regardless of whether this all comes to pass or not, I'm not there yet. Still a ways to go. So instead of fretting over all that, I need to use my time wisely. It's time to read those books I've been wanting to read, study those topics I've been wanting to study, travel, take chances and try new things, and brush up on my shamanic and magickal skills and practices. I do so like to have everything nailed down, but obviously, the universe has other plans. So I need to breathe and relax into that.

Don't know how this blog will evolve as a result, but stay tuned and, as always, thanks for reading.

Taylor Lautner Profile

Taylor Lautner was born in Grand Rapids, Michigan, the son of Deborah, who works for a software development company, and Daniel Lautner, a commercial airline pilot.





He is of mostly Dutch, French, and German descent, and claims some Native American (specifically Ottawa and Potawatomi) ancestry through his mother. He has a younger sister, Makena.

Taylor Lautner is an accomplished martial artist, having studied karate from the age of six to thirteen.

When he was eleven, he was ranked number one in the world for NASKA's Black Belt Open Forms, Musical Weapons, Traditional Weapons and Traditional Forms and, at the age of twelve, he won the Junior World Championships.

taylor lautner biography

taylor daniel lautner ( taylor lautner ) born February 11, 1992 is an american actor and martial artist who is perhaps best known for his 2005 performances in the family films the adventures of sharkboy and lavagirl in 3-D and cheaper by the dozen 2, and as jacob black in the successful twilight series of films.

taylor lautner picture collections ( see below ) :