Do you ever find yourself anticipating big trends or find yourself caught up in an emotional current that feels much larger than puny little you? I often have but never gave much thought as to why. But given my new spiritual direction, I'm paying more attention to these kinds of things, to what might be called instinct or even premonitions (although that sounds crazy, right?).
Here are some pics I took last Friday on a walk through the Grove. I walked farther and deeper than ever. My first impression was of how quickly the brilliant fall colors had faded to a monochromatic brownish gray. Sometimes it was difficult to even see the footpaths. The leaf-covered ground seemed to blend with the tree trunks, bare branches and woodsy thickets.
As I walked, melancholy descended and enveloped me, which is usually just the opposite of what happens when I'm out in nature. Typically, any melancholy disappears. But not this time.
Later that day and weekend, my mood deepened and intensified. Rather than try and shake the mood, I began paying more attention. What bubbled up was "suffering." I began to see it everywhere: in the news out of Haiti, India, Thailand and elsewhere; in reports about local charities unable to help the needy; in emails I received from friends asking for prayers and support for their friends, family and neighbors; in the death of a friend's favorite aunt from ALS; in the permanent changes I see in my partner because of his stoke; in another friend's terminal brain cancer; in the financial struggles of my cousin, my sister and brother; in the ongoing job losses in this country.
On and on it goes. And while these kinds of things happen all the time, it does seem particularly concentrated at the moment. There's physical suffering, lots of unexpected fear and insecurity, and great spiritual hunger. I don't know if any of you are experiencing these same emotions, but it's really sapping my own strength. Is it just good ol' "seasonal affective disorder?"
Some say that shamans are sensitive to such collective currents, and I think our country is obviously entering a new phase of sorts. Now, I hesitate to claim to "know" anything or to overstate my shamanic experiences or knowledge. But something's going on. I could feel it a few weeks back with Obama's election, and I think many others did, too. I felt it again with the rising anger and frustration in the LGBT community over Prop 8's passage in California. And I felt it this past weekend on my walk.
Just wanted to share this. I need to meditate on it and perhaps conduct a shamanic journey to see what I might learn from these emotions, this experience. In the meantime, I wish each and every one of you peace, contentment and strength.
