My Various Worlds Are Colliding

This pic says it all, which is one reason I haven't posted much lately. When I started blogging just less than 3 years ago, this space gave me freedom to speak and do some things that I felt I couldn't do in real life, when I'm not Riverwolf. But now, surprisingly, that's changed. As my shamanic practice has deepened and since my ordination last summer, the "real" me is becoming more of that person that I once only felt comfortable being here on this blog.

But those worlds are colliding, merging--which is probably a great thing. Right? For example, there's another blog I write for professionally, and I find I'm starting to repeat myself; what I write about over there is also finding its way here. And I really do want to keep this one private. I've revealed too much here, a lot of things that I'd be embarrassed about or that might even hurt others were someone to connect all the dots. Not that anyone's digging around, but the Web can easily turn on you and bit you in the ass. Add in other social  networking, and it all gets way too difficult to juggle. I'm sure I'm not alone because I know people who have several blogs, a Twitter account and so on.

This integration that I feel taking place is a good thing, but it needs to settle in. I guess you could say that many of those things that have been germinating are finally beginning to flower. But I need to figure out what I'm doing here on this blog, specifically. This blog has become a wonderfully private and inspiring place, a source of strength and a great way to act out or relax. And it's worth protecting.

My Various Worlds Are Colliding

This pic says it all, which is one reason I haven't posted much lately. When I started blogging just less than 3 years ago, this space gave me freedom to speak and do some things that I felt I couldn't do in real life, when I'm not Riverwolf. But now, surprisingly, that's changed. As my shamanic practice has deepened and since my ordination last summer, the "real" me is becoming more of that person that I once only felt comfortable being here on this blog.

But those worlds are colliding, merging--which is probably a great thing. Right? For example, there's another blog I write for professionally, and I find I'm starting to repeat myself; what I write about over there is also finding its way here. And I really do want to keep this one private. I've revealed too much here, a lot of things that I'd be embarrassed about or that might even hurt others were someone to connect all the dots. Not that anyone's digging around, but the Web can easily turn on you and bit you in the ass. Add in other social  networking, and it all gets way too difficult to juggle. I'm sure I'm not alone because I know people who have several blogs, a Twitter account and so on.

This integration that I feel taking place is a good thing, but it needs to settle in. I guess you could say that many of those things that have been germinating are finally beginning to flower. But I need to figure out what I'm doing here on this blog, specifically. This blog has become a wonderfully private and inspiring place, a source of strength and a great way to act out or relax. And it's worth protecting.

He Took the Words Right Outta My Mouth

I've been having some rather frustrating "discussions" with old friends lately (that was probably my first mistake). It's clear we inhabit different worlds now. My frustration lies both in my inability to adequately express my worldview as well as in their refusal--or fear--to open their minds.

But here's a quote I found that wonderfully expresses what I feel and believe. Maybe I'll just start repeating this from now on:

"A living planet is a much more complex metaphor for deity than just a bigger father with a bigger fist. If an omniscient, all-powerful Dad ignores your prayers, it's taken personally. Hear only silence long enough, and you start wondering about his power. His fairness.  His very existence. 

But if a world mother doesn't reply, Her excuse is simple. She never claimed conceited omnipotence. She has countless others clinging to her apron strings, including myriad species unable to speak for themselves. To Her elder offspring She says: 'Go raid the fridge. Go play outside. Go get a job. Or, better yet, lend me a hand. I have no time for idle whining.'" 
--author David Brin

 Yay, Mama Earth!

He Took the Words Right Outta My Mouth

I've been having some rather frustrating "discussions" with old friends lately (that was probably my first mistake). It's clear we inhabit different worlds now. My frustration lies both in my inability to adequately express my worldview as well as in their refusal--or fear--to open their minds.

But here's a quote I found that wonderfully expresses what I feel and believe. Maybe I'll just start repeating this from now on:

"A living planet is a much more complex metaphor for deity than just a bigger father with a bigger fist. If an omniscient, all-powerful Dad ignores your prayers, it's taken personally. Hear only silence long enough, and you start wondering about his power. His fairness.  His very existence. 

But if a world mother doesn't reply, Her excuse is simple. She never claimed conceited omnipotence. She has countless others clinging to her apron strings, including myriad species unable to speak for themselves. To Her elder offspring She says: 'Go raid the fridge. Go play outside. Go get a job. Or, better yet, lend me a hand. I have no time for idle whining.'" 
--author David Brin

 Yay, Mama Earth!

Busy as a Bee!

Sorry for being so delinquent in posting this week, but it's been a busy one! Here's what I've been up to:

• developing a web site to publicize my ministerial/shamanic services,
• conducted my first house/land blessing,
  
• an extra project dumped in my lap at the office job,
• 2 interviews this week for a writing project based on my mystery school experience,
• and a freakin' flat tire!
  

What about my partner and I? Well, we're doing ok. I find myself still torn between not trusting that he'll actually be able to kick the alcohol to wanting to give him yet one more chance.

Fortunately the weekend doesn't look too hectic. I need to get myself out for a walk in the Grove!

Busy as a Bee!

Sorry for being so delinquent in posting this week, but it's been a busy one! Here's what I've been up to:

• developing a web site to publicize my ministerial/shamanic services,
• conducted my first house/land blessing,
  
• an extra project dumped in my lap at the office job,
• 2 interviews this week for a writing project based on my mystery school experience,
• and a freakin' flat tire!
  

What about my partner and I? Well, we're doing ok. I find myself still torn between not trusting that he'll actually be able to kick the alcohol to wanting to give him yet one more chance.

Fortunately the weekend doesn't look too hectic. I need to get myself out for a walk in the Grove!

Saturday Odds & Ends: Family, Finances and Fa-La-La-La

Last night my partner and I went out with some good friends for dinner and then dessert at one couple's house. But I was as keyed up as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs! It's been a busy, stressful week, and then I had to rush home, change clothes, pick up one of our friends (who, God love her, talks too much) and then get to the restaurant.

Everyone else seemed able to decide what they wanted except me. The menu and choices completely overwhelmed me, and I found myself just sitting there staring at the menu wishing I were somewhere else. Merry Christmas!

Dinner and dessert was good, but I just never seemed to relax. I kept thinking about the layoffs and salary freeze at my office job. I kept thinking about how to find more freelance writing gigs and how to cut expenses at home. I kept thinking about how I really don't want to deck the halls at all this Christmas. Bah-humbug! My partner, of course, feels otherwise.

I'm willing to meet him halfway, however, so tomorrow we'll put up some decorations and mail Christmas cards. For the last couple of weeks, we've been doing ok, which is great. I was worried that things would spiral downward once we stopped going to counseling. Counseling was a big help, but we just couldn't afford it anymore.

Money, schmoney. Don't ever get seriously ill because it will suck up all the resources you have!

And adding to the stress, I found myself caught in the middle of an argument between one of my brothers and my father. I saw my father over Thanksgiving, and he bought my $6.95 barbecue dinner when we went out to eat. I've told him little about my financial troubles because I prefer to handle my own money woes--and he would hold it over my head if I borrowed money from him. So my brother apparently asked for a lot of money recently, and my dad said something about how he was helping me out and didn't have enough to spread around. But he hasn't given me anything but that dang barbecue dinner! So either he was just lying to my brother (which i don't like anyway) or he actually thinks $6.95 amounts to a federal bailout package (which he actually might). And if I try to find out what the real truth is, it will just cause more drama. So, fuck it.

I'm ready for a drink and a long nap!

Saturday Odds & Ends: Family, Finances and Fa-La-La-La

Last night my partner and I went out with some good friends for dinner and then dessert at one couple's house. But I was as keyed up as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs! It's been a busy, stressful week, and then I had to rush home, change clothes, pick up one of our friends (who, God love her, talks too much) and then get to the restaurant.

Everyone else seemed able to decide what they wanted except me. The menu and choices completely overwhelmed me, and I found myself just sitting there staring at the menu wishing I were somewhere else. Merry Christmas!

Dinner and dessert was good, but I just never seemed to relax. I kept thinking about the layoffs and salary freeze at my office job. I kept thinking about how to find more freelance writing gigs and how to cut expenses at home. I kept thinking about how I really don't want to deck the halls at all this Christmas. Bah-humbug! My partner, of course, feels otherwise.

I'm willing to meet him halfway, however, so tomorrow we'll put up some decorations and mail Christmas cards. For the last couple of weeks, we've been doing ok, which is great. I was worried that things would spiral downward once we stopped going to counseling. Counseling was a big help, but we just couldn't afford it anymore.

Money, schmoney. Don't ever get seriously ill because it will suck up all the resources you have!

And adding to the stress, I found myself caught in the middle of an argument between one of my brothers and my father. I saw my father over Thanksgiving, and he bought my $6.95 barbecue dinner when we went out to eat. I've told him little about my financial troubles because I prefer to handle my own money woes--and he would hold it over my head if I borrowed money from him. So my brother apparently asked for a lot of money recently, and my dad said something about how he was helping me out and didn't have enough to spread around. But he hasn't given me anything but that dang barbecue dinner! So either he was just lying to my brother (which i don't like anyway) or he actually thinks $6.95 amounts to a federal bailout package (which he actually might). And if I try to find out what the real truth is, it will just cause more drama. So, fuck it.

I'm ready for a drink and a long nap!