Ridiculous/Brilliant Christmas Gift: Dick of Cards

You got it--dick, not deck. I had never heard of these before until a friend told me he received a di--errrr--deck last year for Christmas. Who thinks up these kind of things? I'm sure there are all kinds of puns for this special gift, but I'll just resist the urge. You can purchase your own deck here.

Ridiculous/Brilliant Christmas Gift: Dick of Cards

You got it--dick, not deck. I had never heard of these before until a friend told me he received a di--errrr--deck last year for Christmas. Who thinks up these kind of things? I'm sure there are all kinds of puns for this special gift, but I'll just resist the urge. You can purchase your own deck here.

Musical Toilet Paper and Other Horrible Christmas Novelties and Gifts

We've all seen them, those ridiculous Christmas novelties that appear this time of year. Normal, everyday objects are Santa-fied and bedecked with a holiday motif as a lure to get gullible shoppers to part with their cash. These gifts can be lots of fun--until the joke's on you!

Then there are those just plain awful gifts you receive from your loved ones. "Really, you SHOULDN'T have." I'll get to that shortly.

My friend Rebecca told me about how she and all her siblings and their families were home for Christmas one year. Someone had bought their parents a little device that you slip into the toilet paper roll which plays Christmas carols each time it's used. "Jingle" while you tinkle, anyone? She said it was cute for a while--and then the unthinkable happened. Several of them caught a stomach bug, which meant frequent and prolonged trips to the bathroom! It was bad enough to be sick, but then they had to hear "Jingle Bells" over and over again, alerting everyone in the house that, yes, they were back on the toilet again. Nice.

The Worst Christmas Gift I've Ever Received
Sure, I know it's the thought that allegedly counts, but I sometimes think it's better to receive no gift at all than to have to endure the painful attempt to thank someone for those unexpected and random gifts you'll never, ever use.

For example, several years ago my family was opening presents on Christmas Day when one of my sisters handed me a gift bag. Her gifts have never been extravagant, but she always seemed to find something useful or thoughtful. I think she created a new category that year, one called "hideous." So I pull out the colored tissue paper and then reach inside. I wish I had a photo of this thing.

Technically, it was a pen/pencil holder--but elevated to aesthetic heights heretofore unimagined. Someone had taken a perfectly good piece of wood, stripped off the real bark, polished it all up and then drilled several holes in it for pens and pencils. That would've been ok. But no. Then they wrapped it in fake, papery "bark" so that it now sort of resembled the real tree it once was. Then a sky blue ribbon with little cutesy flowers was glued on. Then a bow of the same fabric was also glued on--separately. The manufacturer couldn't even tie a real bow!

As I beheld this wonder, wondering what I was going to do with it and how to stifle my shock and disbelief, my sister said, "I thought you could put it in your office!" Not on your life, sweetie. Like it or not, how you accessorize your desk says a lot about you to your co-workers. It was still early in my publishing career, and I really didn't want the reputation as the resident Holly Hobbie Craft Queen.

So I fumbled my way through the forced "thank you," and that abomination was relegated to the work shed. Ever practical, my partner found a use for the gift after all! I tore off the ribbon and bow and the fake bark, leaving a relatively respectable and perfectly handy Screwdriver Holder! So, thanks sis, but I will forever be suspicious of your gift-buying skills!

What was the worst Christmas gift you ever received?

Musical Toilet Paper and Other Horrible Christmas Novelties and Gifts

We've all seen them, those ridiculous Christmas novelties that appear this time of year. Normal, everyday objects are Santa-fied and bedecked with a holiday motif as a lure to get gullible shoppers to part with their cash. These gifts can be lots of fun--until the joke's on you!

Then there are those just plain awful gifts you receive from your loved ones. "Really, you SHOULDN'T have." I'll get to that shortly.

My friend Rebecca told me about how she and all her siblings and their families were home for Christmas one year. Someone had bought their parents a little device that you slip into the toilet paper roll which plays Christmas carols each time it's used. "Jingle" while you tinkle, anyone? She said it was cute for a while--and then the unthinkable happened. Several of them caught a stomach bug, which meant frequent and prolonged trips to the bathroom! It was bad enough to be sick, but then they had to hear "Jingle Bells" over and over again, alerting everyone in the house that, yes, they were back on the toilet again. Nice.

The Worst Christmas Gift I've Ever Received
Sure, I know it's the thought that allegedly counts, but I sometimes think it's better to receive no gift at all than to have to endure the painful attempt to thank someone for those unexpected and random gifts you'll never, ever use.

For example, several years ago my family was opening presents on Christmas Day when one of my sisters handed me a gift bag. Her gifts have never been extravagant, but she always seemed to find something useful or thoughtful. I think she created a new category that year, one called "hideous." So I pull out the colored tissue paper and then reach inside. I wish I had a photo of this thing.

Technically, it was a pen/pencil holder--but elevated to aesthetic heights heretofore unimagined. Someone had taken a perfectly good piece of wood, stripped off the real bark, polished it all up and then drilled several holes in it for pens and pencils. That would've been ok. But no. Then they wrapped it in fake, papery "bark" so that it now sort of resembled the real tree it once was. Then a sky blue ribbon with little cutesy flowers was glued on. Then a bow of the same fabric was also glued on--separately. The manufacturer couldn't even tie a real bow!

As I beheld this wonder, wondering what I was going to do with it and how to stifle my shock and disbelief, my sister said, "I thought you could put it in your office!" Not on your life, sweetie. Like it or not, how you accessorize your desk says a lot about you to your co-workers. It was still early in my publishing career, and I really didn't want the reputation as the resident Holly Hobbie Craft Queen.

So I fumbled my way through the forced "thank you," and that abomination was relegated to the work shed. Ever practical, my partner found a use for the gift after all! I tore off the ribbon and bow and the fake bark, leaving a relatively respectable and perfectly handy Screwdriver Holder! So, thanks sis, but I will forever be suspicious of your gift-buying skills!

What was the worst Christmas gift you ever received?

Ridiculous/Brilliant Christmas Gift: The UroClub

My friend Rebecca told me about this gift, the UroClub. I think she said her husband wanted one but she simply refused. Regardless, this is both ridiculous and brilliant. Golfers can pee privately without having to leave the fairway! But if your bladder is really full--how much does that thing hold? Discuss....

Ridiculous/Brilliant Christmas Gift: The UroClub

My friend Rebecca told me about this gift, the UroClub. I think she said her husband wanted one but she simply refused. Regardless, this is both ridiculous and brilliant. Golfers can pee privately without having to leave the fairway! But if your bladder is really full--how much does that thing hold? Discuss....

Holly, Jolly Holiday Post, Week 1: What Was Your Favorite Gift as a Child?

I've decided to help myself get in the holiday spirit by focusing on the good things about Christmas (or whatever you prefer to call it), those special memories and fun things I always try and squeeze in. After all, don't we have enough doom and gloom right now?

Like I did back on Halloween, I'm going to post at least 1 weekly item about the holiday, and I plan to keep it light and positive. I hope you'll all share your own stories and thoughts. Check out the sidebar to the right as well since I'll be adding some fun polls--like today's: Do you prefer white Christmas lights or the multicolored ones?

My Favorite Christmas Gift
This is difficult since I was a pretty good kid and Santa seemed to like me. Actually, my Mom rocked. She always came through on Christmas. My dad did, too, of course. He provided the cash, and Mom went shopping. She then played Santa while my Dad slept.

But my favorite gift? I guess I would pick 2 things, mostly because of how overjoyed I remember being when I spotted these gifts under the tree the next morning.

1. A train set with a locomotive that actually made real smoke! It came with a car that carried "gold" (yellow plastic beads), which you could load and unload.
2. ABBA's greatest hits album!
   

Ok, stop laughing. You have no idea how excited I was to get that ABBA album! And I played the hell out of it. Was there ever any doubt that I was gay?

The train set was a wonderful surprise, too. After Christmas, I moved it into my brother's old bedroom and added houses, trees and more train stuff over time. My friends and I had lots of fun with that. Which is weird really, because I wasn't all that into trains. Maybe I wanted one because my best friend had a train, but regardless, I had more fun with it than I ever expected.

So what were your favorite Christmas gifts? And if you didn't celebrate Christmas, then just share a favorite gift you received on your birthday or another holiday.

Holly, Jolly Holiday Post, Week 1: What Was Your Favorite Gift as a Child?

I've decided to help myself get in the holiday spirit by focusing on the good things about Christmas (or whatever you prefer to call it), those special memories and fun things I always try and squeeze in. After all, don't we have enough doom and gloom right now?

Like I did back on Halloween, I'm going to post at least 1 weekly item about the holiday, and I plan to keep it light and positive. I hope you'll all share your own stories and thoughts. Check out the sidebar to the right as well since I'll be adding some fun polls--like today's: Do you prefer white Christmas lights or the multicolored ones?

My Favorite Christmas Gift
This is difficult since I was a pretty good kid and Santa seemed to like me. Actually, my Mom rocked. She always came through on Christmas. My dad did, too, of course. He provided the cash, and Mom went shopping. She then played Santa while my Dad slept.

But my favorite gift? I guess I would pick 2 things, mostly because of how overjoyed I remember being when I spotted these gifts under the tree the next morning.

1. A train set with a locomotive that actually made real smoke! It came with a car that carried "gold" (yellow plastic beads), which you could load and unload.
2. ABBA's greatest hits album!
   

Ok, stop laughing. You have no idea how excited I was to get that ABBA album! And I played the hell out of it. Was there ever any doubt that I was gay?

The train set was a wonderful surprise, too. After Christmas, I moved it into my brother's old bedroom and added houses, trees and more train stuff over time. My friends and I had lots of fun with that. Which is weird really, because I wasn't all that into trains. Maybe I wanted one because my best friend had a train, but regardless, I had more fun with it than I ever expected.

So what were your favorite Christmas gifts? And if you didn't celebrate Christmas, then just share a favorite gift you received on your birthday or another holiday.