Ever Break Up on Valentine's Day?

I guess you can say I did.

How dramatic, right? Well, maybe it's time for a little drama. I've been way too loving, too understanding, too foolish for too long.

I was worried about going with my partner to our friend's birthday party last night, worried that he would get drunk again and break all his promises to me, once again. It didn't happen exactly like that, but here's how it went down.

Yesterday I delivered several Valentines Day balloons to his office. Aw, sweet, right? Then I get home, and all seems ok at first. Then I spot the small bottle of vodka on the kitchen counter--and it's like time froze. I caught my breath--I knew this would happen. I'm certainly no psychic, but I'm not stupid either. A little foolish, yes, but not stupid.

He comes in and says, "I bought this so we could both have a cocktail" or something like that. I hadn't asked for a cocktail. But it's obvious that he cannot stop drinking. From the looks of the bottle, he had already had 2 drinks by the time I walked in the door. I didn't say anything at first, didn't even acknowledge what he had said. Needed time to think. Then he gave me a cute Valentines Day card.

Meanwhile, I just wanted this evening to end, and it had only just begun. So we went to the party, and it was fun to see some friends we haven't seen in years. I didn't keep track but he had at least 5 drinks at the party. I'm sure that's why he seemed all relaxed for a change. We left early and I drove home. He wasn't as drunk as I've seen him, but I certainly wasn't going to let him drive.

Back home, we watched "Battlestar Galactica" and went to bed. He fell asleep while I tried to figure out what the hell to do next. I had told him 2 weeks ago that it was over unless he quit drinking and got some help. None of which he has done. And he isn't able to do it. And there's nothing I can do about that.

This morning, I woke up early, unsure of what to do. Forgive him? Give him one more chance, again and again? What for? It's clear nothing's going to change. Am I doing the right thing? I don't want to hurt him. I don't want to leave him. But this is crazy.

So I got up early, quietly threw some things in a backpack and dressed while he slept. I had planned to surprise him with a card and some wonderful chocolate truffles from the local chocolate shop. Well, that seemed silly given the circumstances. They were all neatly packed in a beautiful red satin box. Nice, right? He had broken my heart, so I wanted to make that clear. I stomped on the box and then ripped the lid in half. I wrote a short note on the card and left.

I drove to my sister's house and talked to her. She's been in similar relationships, and she's also a pretty tough cookie. I needed to focus on how to disentangle myself from my partner. Emotions would only get in the way. Eventually I left and have been working some today. I even took in the new film "Push" (fun but it eventually drags and the ending is a quasi-letdown).

Now what? How do you leave someone you love and walk away from 15 years of relationship? He's already left zillions of messages for me today. The plan is to go back home tonight and talk, tell him my plan is to leave, that it's over. I've made my decision. I know it's the best one--but it hurts like hell.

Yeah, Happy Valentines Day.