Has Anyone Seen My Dildo?!

If your sensibilities are just too delicate, well, read no further. But I have a dilemma.

My partner is going out of town to see his family for the holidays, which means I'll have 2 ENTIRE DAYS to myself! Sweet Lord in Heaven, I cannot wait. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, eat whatever, stay up late. Hmmm, maybe I'll just stay inside and masturbate all day!

Hey--don't judge. It's been a rough year since his stroke, and besides, a guy's got to get action somehow!

So I went looking for the dildo ... just in case. And it's nowhere to be found! Truth be told, it hasn't seen the light of day in a while, and I don't really even remember where we put it. I do know it was somewhere "safe" so that no one would inadvertently discover it. I looked in all the usual places, but now I'm worried.

Judge if you will, but geez, I had plans! And now I'm afraid it will unexpectedly roll out of the china cabinet during Thanksgiving! I'll be sure to post if that happens.