Today, dear readers, I am mired in some serious melancholy.Is it the drone of the presidential campaign? Is it just me or does Obama totally put you to sleep now? It seems he has moved so far to the center and become so calculating (as I feared and predicted!), that anything he says makes me squirm. Maybe Palin will start firing her moose rifle and spark some more drama.
There seems to be bad news all around--people losing their jobs while the U.S. spends billions every day (is that right? Couldn't find an exact link). And my own financial situation, while not dire, isn't anything to get excited over.
My main job, while a good one, has become boring and isolating. I really want to quit, like right now, but need the income. And the plan of saving some extra cash to enable me to leave this job isn't working like I'd hoped.
Couples counseling is going well, I suppose. But there's still a lot that needs to change between me and my partner. It's never going to be like it was, and I'm not confident that I have the patience to hang on and see if there's anything worth salvaging.
Spiritually, I'm in a good place, but I'm overwhelmed at the same time. I've spent so much time trying to follow everyone else's rules and beliefs, and I feel that I've stifled myself. Now that I'm moving beyond all that, I just want to run like crazy, throw caution to the wind and see where I end up. There's so much that I need to unlearn, if you will, and at times it seems to be a lengthy, even tedious, process.
Big things, little things--and I don't even know if any of this makes sense to those of you kind enough to read it. Physically, emotionally, I am tired and worn out.
Sure, I need to stay positive and keep that energy up. My shamanic instruction would say, "if you don't like your reality, change it!" While I know that to be possible and true, well, something's getting in the way, and that thing is a great big messy ball of melancholy.
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