Reflections on a Simple Alban Elfed

Ready or not, fall/autumn is here, and the equinox occurred yesterday evening, that time that only happens twice a year when the amounts of sunlight and darkness are equal. (Well, National Geographic says that isn't exactly true, but I'll let the wonks sort it out.) I love fall, usually, but I'm dreading it this year because that mean's winter isn't far away. I don't always do well without enough sunlight and warmth in my days, and now that my partner and I have split up, the seasonal changes are filling me with apprehension.

No surprise, I really didn't want to conduct any kind of ritual for the equinox/Mabon, or Alban Elfed in the Celtic tradition. But I needed to do it for my spiritual health. It's been very difficult lately for me to keep up my spiritual practices. I guess I just feel a little empty at the moment. But now's the time when it's most important, of course. I need to maintain that connection to the natural world, to the everyday changes that occur around us. It helps me to remember that change is part of our lives. Things begin and things end. Nature teaches us that nothing can ever remain the same.

My ritual today was simple, and I didn't even take a photo to share. Just a single candle and me seated on the floor. I did add a bowl of water to symbolize emotions and relationships (oh how they do change!).

Balance
As I meditated on the balance of dark and light on the equinox, I began to wonder: Is balance in anything really possible? The equinox itself is only a passing moment, and then the days grow darker, only to come into balance again in the spring; but that lasts only a moment as well. So much is written and said about maintaining balance in our lives, but it's ever elusive. Just when you think you have it, it's gone. And off you go again in search of balance. Maybe it's overrated!!

Change

As the seasons change, we have an opportunity to reflect on change in our lives. Obviously, I've been through a big change recently after leaving my partner. But where do we go from here? Even though I've moved out, I still talk to him: I have mail to collect, personal items still in the house, and we need to paint the bathrooms in preparation to put the house up for sale. Most perplexing, he's actually beginning to show more affection and treat me as I had wanted to be treated all along. And as far as I know, he's stopped drinking altogether. Maybe there's a chance yet. But the lesson is that things have changed, regardless of whether we remain apart or get back together. If we do reconcile, the dynamic of our relationship and our expectations will have to evolve--otherwise, we'll be operating from a perspective that has already shifted out from under us.

Harvest

It's also a time to reflect on what the seeds we've planted in our lives have produced. I'm disappointed that some of my writing projects and goals haven't been met, but then I did get ordained as an interfaith minister this year--and I have 2 weddings planned for October. That's been a wonderful surprise!

I don't know if any of you out there might also be dreading the approach of winter, too. But my ritual reminded me that even winter will pass eventually. We cannot stop any of it, not the change in seasons nor changes in our personal lives. I say this to myself as much as to anyone else who is reading: Hang on. Relax. This, too, shall pass in time.