Melancholy Mary

I know just how she feels. Just can't shake this melancholy that's taken hold. A month ago, I posted how my energy was waning. Well, it's only deepened. If I could've stayed in the mountains, I would have. Breaking my routine was a breath of fresh air. But now I'm back in the workaday world and having a helluva time just getting up in the mornings. I have plenty to do but no motivation, so I'm procrastinating big time and I've been a slacker on my morning walks and exercise.

My emotions are right at the surface and volatile, prone to swinging up or down at the drop of a hat. I'm usually so even-tempered. The smallest things overwhelm me, like grocery shopping or what to do for lunch. And damn--the house needs to be cleaned and the Christmas decorations put away. I hate to whine, and I know that my circumstances are so much better than many others in this world--and that's what bothers me most. I want to feel energetic, positive and hopeful, and I have every reason to feel that way--and yet I don't. Pity parties aren't my thing, and yet I don't feel I have much control over these emotions right now, or at the least my usual resources are depleted.

Or something. Example--this morning I turned on the news as I was dressing and preparing breakfast. But it was all doom and gloom, and I lost it! Fighting in Gaza, economic turmoil and job loss--it was more than I could handle, and I broke down in tears. So I shut off the TV. But then I realized there wasn't anything to distract me from all those other emotions. Sometimes you have to get up and get on with business, despite what's going on inside your head, right? And sitting there eating breakfast in silence was not helpful.

I could get into more specifics, but then this post would ramble on forever. Frankly, I have too much to do. Writing this helps a bit, helps me organize and process. Maybe I'll try more counseling, if the checkbook will support it. I've done some shamanic journeying lately, but not much to report. My experiences haven't been all that enlightening. Wolf and vulture seem to have gone mute.

Definitely need a little inspiration, somehow, some way.